One a Day Bambi-isms

As my days with Bambi draw to a close, I’ll take this opportunity to reflect back on last week.  Each day, without fail, she has forced me to question my own sanity and intelligence. I know there are some out there who will not be able to believe the things that I wrote about Bambi.  It’s ok.  I get it.  If the situation were reversed, I’d have a hard time believing as well.  Let me assure you that although I think I’m pretty creative, there is no way in hell that I could make-up this ish with Bambi.  I’m simply NOT THAT GOOD.  Reality is better than fiction around these parts.  And, I have at least 5 co-workers who read my blog and who know Bambi personally.  Perhaps they’ll de-lurk to confirm that yes indeed, Bambi lives, breathes and works amongst us.  In case you’re just tuning in, you can find some background on Bambi HERE and HERE.

MONDAY

Bambi arrived to work 30 minutes early and attempted to help me straighten up my office.  **deep sigh**  I can’t find a damn thing. I did not ask her to help me organize my office.  Before that morning, my office looked like a tsunami had come through because I’ve been working like a Hebrew slave to stay on top of the work that’s coming my way.  When I asked her for several files later in the day, she stared that blank stare that she’s mastered and then grinned.

Bambi – “Oh, that pile from the chair?  I filed all of those.”

MrsTDJ – “Filed them how?  Some of those folders didn’t have tabs or titles.  What did you file them under?”

Bambi – “I wasn’t sure at first, but then it clicked.  I filed them under “C” for chair files.”

MrsTDJ – silence as I spun on my heels and walked away

 

TUESDAY

Bambi has been here with me since August 2.  For the first two days, I was so focused on an event that I was facilitating on August 5, I didn’t yet realize that she was special.  She was very pleasant and her enthusiasm was able to overshadow her limited capacity. During those early days, I asked her to finalize a large meeting and facility tour that I had been working on.  The group had been hard to schedule because in addition to my boss, there were 4 other outside director/executive level people, in addition to 9 others.  Trying to coordinate 14 schedules for a 4 hour block of time had been tricky.  I’d gotten very  busy with a few larger events, so I thought this would be something she could knock out for me.  Well, at the time, she seemed to complete it with ease.   Then, at 1:40 I got the call. In a nutshell, e, she transposed the date and time  (which anyone could have done).  But the goofy part is, she only did it for half of the group.  What???  Yep, she told some people that the meeting was 11/2 @ 3pm and she told others that the meeting was 11/3 @ 2pm. What???  After responding to the crisis at the moment and looking stupid as hell to people outside of our agency, I tried to understand what had happened.  **smh**  She couldn’t tell me.   When asked why didn’t she send ONE email to EVERYONE with the confirmation, she scratched her head and smiled. Novel freaking concept, huh?

WEDNESDAY

Ya’ll, I haven’t left my office for lunch in weeks.  On Tuesday, a co-worker begged me to go and eat Greek food with her.  I agreed and it was fantastic.  Little did I know that while I was gone, all hell was breaking loose in the office.  My director signed an important letter and needed to have it faxed to our main office in another city.  Since I was away at lunch, she gave it to Bambi.  **smh**  I know, I know.  Why Lord, Why?  Anyway, it seemed simple, no?  NO!!  Three hours later, I get an email from the supposed recipient inquiring about the fax, with a cc to my boss of course.  Boss lady says that she gave it to Bambi and asks me to followup.   I breath deeply and ask Bambi about the fax.

MrsTDJ – Bambi, did Boss Lady give you a fax to send to Mrs XYZ?

Bambi – She sure did and I took care of it.

MrsTDJ – MrsXYZ didn’t receive it.  Can you check the # and resend it please?

Bambi – **shuffles through all the papers on her desk** See, I even have the cover sheet

MrsTDJ – **seeing red and trying not to gauge her eyes out** Do you see this “NP” here next to “Transmission Status”?  That means that it didn’t transmit properly.  She didn’t receive it.

Bambi – **blinks rapidly and cheeks start to redden** Oh, is that what that meant?  **giggles** I though

that meant “No Problem”, like your fax went through and you don’t have to try again.

MrsTDJ – silence as I spun on my heels and walked away

 

THURSDAY

I’d given Bambi three packages that needed to be sent via FedEx.  By given, I mean that I placed a stack of three award plaques tucked inside of padded, unsealed envelopes on her desk.   Also inside each envelope was an original signed letter from Boss Lady to each award winner.  I then sent her an email requesting that she please use the contact information below for the three individuals to send them each a FedEx package with the award that they had won.  I sent the email and gave her the packages around 9:30 am.  She completed them right before she left for lunch at 12p.  Just before the mail guy came, my good sense kicked in and I decided to double check the packaging.  **deep sigh**

Package A – Labeled for Dr. X @ University of Michigan, letter inside for Dr. Z @ Columbia, plaque inside for Dr. H @ Vanderbilt

Package B – Labeled for Dr. H @ Vanderbilt, letter inside for Dr. X @ University of Michigan, plaque inside for Dr. Z @ Columbia

Package C – Labeled for Dr. Z @ Columbia, letter inside for Dr. H @ Vanderbilt, plaque inside for Dr. X @ University of Michigan

Really???  The letters and packages matched when I gave them to you.  The mailing info in the email was in the same order as the stack I gave you.  How did you turn this into mail room Twister???? All you had to do was type the labels!!! AARRGGHH!!! I spent the next five minutes angrily re-doing the FedEx labels.

FRIDAY

11:17 am – I’m in another part of the building and my cell phone rings.  Hmm, an internal work #.  Thinking it’s one of my work buddies just trying to find me, I answer casually.

MrsTDJ – Hey, what’s up?

Bambi – Hi MrsTDJ.  This is Bambi.  How are you?

**dude, I’ve been in the office since 9 and seen you a handful of times.  Why are you calling my cell phone and asking me how I’m doing?**

MrsTDJ – I’m fine Bambi.  Why are you calling my cell?  What do you need?

Bambi – Oh, well, um, there’s a call for you in the office.

MrsTDJ – Well since I’m not in the office, can you please take a message?

Bambi – Well, I tried and they said that it was urgent.

MrsTDJ – *sighing* Who is it Bambi?

Bambi – Well, I’m not sure, they wouldn’t tell me and they wanted to hold the line.

MrsTDJ – *sighing deeply* I’ll be there in a minute.

I hustle back to my office for my anonymous, urgent call. It was Mrs. Cline.  From ABC Business Solutions.  Calling to update my bosses information for their business directory.  A damn sales call.

So, my reactions have been varied.  The most effective technique that I’ve employed to date is to simply turn and walk away.  I know, I know.  Kinda childish and very unprofessional, but if I had stayed in any of those situations and attempted to speak, I’d have gone slam the hell off.   Shaking my head and sighing has helped to keep the blood in my brain from boiling.  And, writing it all down has helped me to see the comedy in it all.  God protects fools and babies, right? She is truly like a helpless, foolish fawn so she’s got a double layer of protection.