One a Day Bambi-isms

As my days with Bambi draw to a close, I’ll take this opportunity to reflect back on last week.  Each day, without fail, she has forced me to question my own sanity and intelligence. I know there are some out there who will not be able to believe the things that I wrote about Bambi.  It’s ok.  I get it.  If the situation were reversed, I’d have a hard time believing as well.  Let me assure you that although I think I’m pretty creative, there is no way in hell that I could make-up this ish with Bambi.  I’m simply NOT THAT GOOD.  Reality is better than fiction around these parts.  And, I have at least 5 co-workers who read my blog and who know Bambi personally.  Perhaps they’ll de-lurk to confirm that yes indeed, Bambi lives, breathes and works amongst us.  In case you’re just tuning in, you can find some background on Bambi HERE and HERE.

MONDAY

Bambi arrived to work 30 minutes early and attempted to help me straighten up my office.  **deep sigh**  I can’t find a damn thing. I did not ask her to help me organize my office.  Before that morning, my office looked like a tsunami had come through because I’ve been working like a Hebrew slave to stay on top of the work that’s coming my way.  When I asked her for several files later in the day, she stared that blank stare that she’s mastered and then grinned.

Bambi – “Oh, that pile from the chair?  I filed all of those.”

MrsTDJ – “Filed them how?  Some of those folders didn’t have tabs or titles.  What did you file them under?”

Bambi – “I wasn’t sure at first, but then it clicked.  I filed them under “C” for chair files.”

MrsTDJ – silence as I spun on my heels and walked away

 

TUESDAY

Bambi has been here with me since August 2.  For the first two days, I was so focused on an event that I was facilitating on August 5, I didn’t yet realize that she was special.  She was very pleasant and her enthusiasm was able to overshadow her limited capacity. During those early days, I asked her to finalize a large meeting and facility tour that I had been working on.  The group had been hard to schedule because in addition to my boss, there were 4 other outside director/executive level people, in addition to 9 others.  Trying to coordinate 14 schedules for a 4 hour block of time had been tricky.  I’d gotten very  busy with a few larger events, so I thought this would be something she could knock out for me.  Well, at the time, she seemed to complete it with ease.   Then, at 1:40 I got the call. In a nutshell, e, she transposed the date and time  (which anyone could have done).  But the goofy part is, she only did it for half of the group.  What???  Yep, she told some people that the meeting was 11/2 @ 3pm and she told others that the meeting was 11/3 @ 2pm. What???  After responding to the crisis at the moment and looking stupid as hell to people outside of our agency, I tried to understand what had happened.  **smh**  She couldn’t tell me.   When asked why didn’t she send ONE email to EVERYONE with the confirmation, she scratched her head and smiled. Novel freaking concept, huh?

WEDNESDAY

Ya’ll, I haven’t left my office for lunch in weeks.  On Tuesday, a co-worker begged me to go and eat Greek food with her.  I agreed and it was fantastic.  Little did I know that while I was gone, all hell was breaking loose in the office.  My director signed an important letter and needed to have it faxed to our main office in another city.  Since I was away at lunch, she gave it to Bambi.  **smh**  I know, I know.  Why Lord, Why?  Anyway, it seemed simple, no?  NO!!  Three hours later, I get an email from the supposed recipient inquiring about the fax, with a cc to my boss of course.  Boss lady says that she gave it to Bambi and asks me to followup.   I breath deeply and ask Bambi about the fax.

MrsTDJ – Bambi, did Boss Lady give you a fax to send to Mrs XYZ?

Bambi – She sure did and I took care of it.

MrsTDJ – MrsXYZ didn’t receive it.  Can you check the # and resend it please?

Bambi – **shuffles through all the papers on her desk** See, I even have the cover sheet

MrsTDJ – **seeing red and trying not to gauge her eyes out** Do you see this “NP” here next to “Transmission Status”?  That means that it didn’t transmit properly.  She didn’t receive it.

Bambi – **blinks rapidly and cheeks start to redden** Oh, is that what that meant?  **giggles** I though

that meant “No Problem”, like your fax went through and you don’t have to try again.

MrsTDJ – silence as I spun on my heels and walked away

 

THURSDAY

I’d given Bambi three packages that needed to be sent via FedEx.  By given, I mean that I placed a stack of three award plaques tucked inside of padded, unsealed envelopes on her desk.   Also inside each envelope was an original signed letter from Boss Lady to each award winner.  I then sent her an email requesting that she please use the contact information below for the three individuals to send them each a FedEx package with the award that they had won.  I sent the email and gave her the packages around 9:30 am.  She completed them right before she left for lunch at 12p.  Just before the mail guy came, my good sense kicked in and I decided to double check the packaging.  **deep sigh**

Package A – Labeled for Dr. X @ University of Michigan, letter inside for Dr. Z @ Columbia, plaque inside for Dr. H @ Vanderbilt

Package B – Labeled for Dr. H @ Vanderbilt, letter inside for Dr. X @ University of Michigan, plaque inside for Dr. Z @ Columbia

Package C – Labeled for Dr. Z @ Columbia, letter inside for Dr. H @ Vanderbilt, plaque inside for Dr. X @ University of Michigan

Really???  The letters and packages matched when I gave them to you.  The mailing info in the email was in the same order as the stack I gave you.  How did you turn this into mail room Twister???? All you had to do was type the labels!!! AARRGGHH!!! I spent the next five minutes angrily re-doing the FedEx labels.


FRIDAY

11:17 am – I’m in another part of the building and my cell phone rings.  Hmm, an internal work #.  Thinking it’s one of my work buddies just trying to find me, I answer casually.

MrsTDJ – Hey, what’s up?

Bambi – Hi MrsTDJ.  This is Bambi.  How are you?

**dude, I’ve been in the office since 9 and seen you a handful of times.  Why are you calling my cell phone and asking me how I’m doing?**

MrsTDJ – I’m fine Bambi.  Why are you calling my cell?  What do you need?

Bambi – Oh, well, um, there’s a call for you in the office.

MrsTDJ – Well since I’m not in the office, can you please take a message?

Bambi – Well, I tried and they said that it was urgent.

MrsTDJ – *sighing* Who is it Bambi?

Bambi – Well, I’m not sure, they wouldn’t tell me and they wanted to hold the line.

MrsTDJ – *sighing deeply* I’ll be there in a minute.

I hustle back to my office for my anonymous, urgent call. It was Mrs. Cline.  From ABC Business Solutions.  Calling to update my bosses information for their business directory.  A damn sales call.

So, my reactions have been varied.  The most effective technique that I’ve employed to date is to simply turn and walk away.  I know, I know.  Kinda childish and very unprofessional, but if I had stayed in any of those situations and attempted to speak, I’d have gone slam the hell off.   Shaking my head and sighing has helped to keep the blood in my brain from boiling.  And, writing it all down has helped me to see the comedy in it all.  God protects fools and babies, right? She is truly like a helpless, foolish fawn so she’s got a double layer of protection.

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31 thoughts on “One a Day Bambi-isms

  1. Filed under c for chair files!!!! LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I’m sorry, but I DO NOT want Bambi to leave. Ever. She’s an amazing woman who provides me with mucho laughter!

  2. Okay, filing the files under “C” for “chair files” and thinking “NP” meant “no problem” is hilarious. I know it has to be frustrating dealing with someone like that everyday but if nothing else, Bambi is great blog fodder. I loved reading about the latest stupid thing she’d done. She will be missed.

  3. ROTFL @ She is truly like a helpless, foolish fawn! Chair.files!! You know that’s the one you had to confirm, right? I mean, that can’t be real. I guess we all see why she’s a temp. Absolute failure at the basics of life. Mixing up the awards, letters AND boxes??? Confused! Me, I mean… I really don’t get how you’re THAT slow! How is that possible. I can’t even use proper punctuation. That stunned. I agree with Nicole. While I feel for you, it doesn’t get blog better than this! Man I’m gonna miss Bambi!

  4. As Travel Diva would say, I’m am slayed in the spirit!! If you could only hear how loud my black @ss is laughing right now!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh I’m going to miss that looney toon something serious!!!!

  5. Nooooo. TDJ. I am going to stand here and say that I don’t believe you. There is no way she filed that stuff under C for “chair files”. No way. *shakes head* And mixing up the trophy packages? Couldn’t have happened like that. I know that someone with that low level of intellect sould have been removed a long time ago. Uh uh. Please say it ain’t so…..She is just too ridiculous to be real. LOL!

  6. You owe me! I am going to have to clean the ottoman because I had a mouthful of Coke zero before I read she filed your files under C for chair files! I am going to pray for her!

  7. Pingback: It’s All About The Random « Nerd Girl

  8. HIlarious!!!! If you didn’t provide that full honesty disclaimer, I would have to call your bluff on these! Tomorrow’s Friday…you sure you’re not gonna miss her? LOL

  9. I’m late I can’t read what errbody else wrote I just have to go off what made me laugh

    C for chair files is giving me LIFE! Everything else is just TOO MUCH!!

    I don’t know what to say. However you did so good!

    Oh yeah Bwhahahahahahahahahahahaahhaha!@slam the hell off!

    That would have been me. Bambi at some point would have got knocked out! or some type of wrestling move with elbow! or choked! Oh my Gawd!

  10. Wow, is this real? What kind of acts of sin/crime did she commit to get this position and how the heck is she still there after all this time? Who does she know? There’s something all wrong about this whole thing. I guess times are not so bad afterall–because if she can get a job and keep it (in her current state) there’s hope for the unemployed-s out there. I’m happy for you that you don’t have to put up with this nonsense anymore.

  11. You have to give her an A for creativity. I mean, C for chair files? She just made filing easier. If it is laying on your desk, it becomes a D for desk files. If it’s in your purse, P for purse files. Okay……I’m seriously scratching my head. Is she the bosses daughter or someone high up the corporate ladder?

    I will say this in her defense…she may just be short a few fries in her Happy Meal. I worked with a girl who literally talked to paper. She said, “Because it doesn’t talk back.”

  12. Hello Lady …. ok… I Have been sitting at my desk for the last 10mins saying out like… “Oh My God” and “WHAAAAAA” and “She cannot be serous”….As to you line about walking away being unprofessional… I dunno lady.. I mean since the other option is manslaughter or severely hurt feelings…. I think walking away is the most professional choice…. 🙂 Hang in there ladybug… Keep Writing… It has to be helping 🙂

  13. Not ‘NP’ equals ‘no problem’! Lawd, today! I wish Bambi could stay so that I could have some more humorous blog fodder. However, if I were in your shoes, I would definitely be counting the days, hours, minutes, seconds, nano-seconds….til she exited stage left. How is someone just that clueless? How?

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