Celebrating Him In My Way

Today, October 20 would have been my husband’s 37th birthday.   As you read this, I’ll be about 2300 miles from home allowing the sun, sand, blue water and wind to have their way with me.  The idea of tackling yet another “first” made me sick to my stomach.  I knew that I would not be ok if I didn’t do something a bit outside the box during the period surrounding his birthday.

I’ve always loved my birthday.  Growing up as an only child, my parents always went above and beyond to make sure that my day was extra special.  When I met my husband in high school, he didn’t quite have the same love for his birthday.  Say what???  Hmph, so it became my mission to make him love it.  I started right away by decorating his locker when we were in 12th grade.  Got ’em and he was a birthday fool after that!

Throughout the years, we celebrated most holidays rather modestly, regardless of our financial picture.  But, when it came to birthdays, we tended to give those a little extra pizzazz.  Before his passing, I had not yet made any concrete decisions regarding what to do for his birthday, but knowing that it would be on a Saturday, I toyed with the idea of a weekend away.  After his death in June, my birthday in July and our anniversary in September, I was firmly set to travel for his birthday.  I could not bear the thought of the encroaching sadness for a day he would never get to enjoy.

Day by day, I exist by counting the seconds and minutes until an hour has passed, then another and another.   I’ve been grieving and pressing forward in my own way.   This weekend, I’m embracing the peace of getting away and breathing.  I’ve not “stopped” for very long since June and I haven’t allowed the stillness to settle into my being.  I have no agenda bar the single activity that I will do as a salute to my hubby.  He had a love for motorcycles and ATV’s, so I’ll be off-roading on an ATV as a birthday shout out to him.   I surely wish that we were riding together, but I’ll have to settle for his memories.


26 thoughts on “Celebrating Him In My Way

  1. Sis, I read this blog with joy, happeness and tears. For you are such a strong woman – I could NEVER imagine living my life as dedicated and full of strength, as you do! I always have, and always will, admire you.
    Love you, Little Sis ~ Mrs. Kitty

  2. My friend he is riding with you… There is so much that when something like this endures that you feel a grieving.. I have died before it is a place of peace where his soul of being can stay with you for the reasons you know from echoes you still share.. There is a smile behind every tear of missing him for he shares them with you. I am sorry for your loss.. But the love inside you has grown lifetimes over just allow him to be with you always! Beautiful blog my friend.. absolutely beautiful I felt your words within! CK

  3. i am so glad that you have decided to continue with the celebration and riding out for him in your own way! and please believe he is right there riding with you and smiling and enjoying that sun and sand! I wish you so much peace in your heart on this day ((HUGS)) and prayers

  4. That was so sweet!!! Best believe Mr. TDJ is riding right along with you on that ATV.! May he continue to rest in paradise!


  5. MrsTDJ I’m praying that your weekend away is exactly the way it’s supposed to be!! Hugs your way! Your posts are just so heartfelt and beautiful like you:-)

  6. I love the beach and ocean.It’s a relaxing wonderful place to reflect or bask. I’m so happy you made this decision! Ride that ATV girl!! 😀

  7. Happy belated birthday Mr. TDJ!
    Have a safe, fun trip Taya. You deserve to get away from it all. May this time be peaceful and full of reflection on your husband and his born day. I’m a “birthday” girl too so I totally get where you are coming from. I’m traveling to Cabo in 4 days for the first time ever. My birthday gift to myself.

  8. OK, I”m in tears. You really show what LOVE is all about, whether he is here physically or spiritually. Have a safe trip and thanks for posting.

  9. Cuz, I have been so touched by your last few posts. Your strength and resilience are amazing. Often I’m at a loss of words but one expression keeps coming to mind.
    Carpe diem girl!

  10. I am so sorry to hear about your loss, I can only say as time passes it will get better. After reading your story about your husband he reminded me alot about my son who also passed away 2yrs ago this coming November at the tender age of 26yrs old. The way you described your husband was pretty much the same person my son was , caring, loving and very kind hearted. My way of dealing with his death was soley depending on GOD to pull me through. GOD is the only one who will be there anytime you need him at any hour of the day or night and he is the only one who will never leave you nor forsake you. I encourage you if you have not aready to develope a relationship with him. you will feel so much better. I will keep you in my prayer’s and if ever there come a time where you need or want someone to talk with or cry with feel free to contact me. Eventhough we are stranger’s I understand your pain and grief. GOD Bless you and your child.

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