The Flying Battery Hits the Bullseye

Last night, I was looking through pictures from the Easter gathering that my family held and I couldn’t stop smiling.  I’ve been blessed with a wonderful family and seeing their bright smiling faces, brings me joy.  I wasn’t there to celebrate Easter with them, but the photos help me to still feel connected to everyone.  One picture in particular stood out – one of my cousin Slim and his family.  Growing up, I was super close to my cousins Slim and Sunshine.  They are the same age and I’m older by 2 years.  The three of us had many wild adventures growing up.  Well, as wild as 3 sheltered kids could have in the ‘burbs.  Did you read about our party line antics here?  Mixed amongst the fun times are the two fights that Slim and I got into.  Not bad for a crew that was as thick as thieves and around one another 24/7 for 2 months straight every summer.  Let me tell y’all about one of those fights.

Back in 1991, my Grandma turned 65 years old.  To mark the milestone, Mama TDJ and her 5 siblings decided to throw her a big party.  Since Slim, Sunshine and I were the oldest cousins, we wanted to make some kind of big contribution.  I was 14 at the time, and they were 12.  We decided to create a photo book for her, including pictures of all her living siblings, each of her children along with their spouses and children.  It took us a few weeks to pull it all together and the bit of stress associated with the project had the three of us a little tense.

By party night, things had reached a fever pitch.  In the “green room” as we waited for my grandmother to arrive, Slim and I bickered as if we were 4 and 2, not 14 and 12.  Sunshine tried to play the middle, but neither of us was hearing her that day.  The party was beginning in less than 30 minutes, we’d taken tons of pictures and were planning to take just a few more during the party. Our final project before heading downstairs was to take a picture for the last page of the book.  We decided to make it of us 3, since we were the oldest grandchildren.

My auntie, Slim’s mother, came into the room to let us know that Grandma was en route.  Sunshine and Slim posed on the couch, while I got the camera ready for Auntie to take the pic.  Dang, dead battery.  I searched through my little purse for more batteries but couldn’t find them.  I distinctly remember dropping two batteries in there, but they were nowhere to be found.  From across the room, Slim began talking trash.  I wish I could tell you exactly what he said, but I can’t.  I can tell you just how much his words enraged me though.  So much in fact, that I snapped.  Yep, way before the Lifetime series, I snapped!!  The fingers on my right hand finally met the smooth, cool surface of one AA battery in the dark recesses of my purse.  In the blink of an eye and without any warning, I grabbed it and hurled it across the room at Slim.

Now, in case I’ve never mentioned it, my hand eye coordination is horrible.  Truly laughable, as a matter of fact.  I’ve never been good at Pac Man, old Atari games, or anything related to sports.  I stopped tossing things to people because they would land in bushes, toilets, sewers, etc.

I suppose the devil guided my hand that night, because I hit Slim squarely between the eye, on the bridge of his nose.  The battery smacked him with a resounding THUD, followed by his screams as he hit the ground while grabbing his face and writhing in pain.  The scene felt surreal because he was the only one moving.  His mom, Sunshine and I were frozen in place.  Shock is too mild of a word to describe what I was feeling.

Had I really thrown a AA battery at my cousin?  And had it really hit him?  Y’all know that I’m the loveable, non-violent type.  Yet somehow, he had gotten under my skin and I snapped.  After a few more seconds, we all awoke from our haze – Sunshine started crying, my Aunt ran over to Slim to check out the injuries, and I proceeded to change the dead batteries in the camera.  Yup, sure did.  Walked over to him, tossed out an, “I’m sorry Slim” and grabbed the battery from the floor near where he lay on the floor.  Dang MrsTDJ.

I know, I know.  Cold, right?  I just needed a few seconds to get my thoughts together. Once I finished with the camera, I gave him a hug and a real apology.  Realizing that I could have blinded the poor boy, I teared up a bit myself.  He accepted my apology while a knot the size of Mount Vesuvius grew from his head.  And yup, we took the picture anyway.  My Auntie zoomed allllllllll the way out on purpose, but if you look closely enough, you can surely see the lump upside his head.  Oops!  That photo album still lives at my Grandma’s house in her dining room and if anyone pulls it out, the story will be told and greeted with rounds of laughter as if it’s the first time anyone has ever heard it.  Gotta love family!

Y’all ever snap and physically go off on someone before you could stop yourself?   Please tell me I wasn’t alone.


19 thoughts on “The Flying Battery Hits the Bullseye

  1. I have indeed snapped a time or 2 in my life. I remember being 17 and running away from home. My oldest sister tried to come after me with her car to make me go back home. She refused to leave me alone. Finally I couldn’t take it. I told her if she didn’t leave me the *%#$ alone I would run out into the street. She didn’t believe me so I had to prove I wasn’t playing with her. I almost got hit by a car and she immediately turned around and the rest is history. *sighs* Emotions can make even the nicest of us do some crazy stuff.

    • No you didn’t! *lol* I can totally picture this. Whew, thank goodness that we’ve gotten a better handle on them as we’ve gotten older.

  2. When my aunt was sick and before her passing I basically would have come to Jesus moments with her kids because of their excuses for not helping their mom. I would feel a tinge of guilt after the moments, but I was tired and they needed to feel my tiredness. Problem was they are older than me and it is hard to watch 50 and 60 year old folks with tears in their eyes and fear, because my little blackouts were notorious. My sister feared for their lives. Enough said.

  3. I remember snapping at my Aunt when I was younger. She was babysitting us for a week and treated us like slaves. She had us rubbing her feet and washing the walls…everything. I decided that I was going to be the one to set her straight. I said some mean things to her. I snapped…it was awful.

  4. LMAO!!! The funniest part is how you proceeded to load the batteries in the camera….bwahahaha! With the exception of whooping the 8th grade behind of my male schoolmate who attempted to cop a feel, all of my brawls have been strategically premeditated :-/

  5. You tell the best stories:-)Maybe in middle school i hit a kid over the head with my lunch box! But not since adulthood…anything is possible though!

  6. I have never just lost it it on someone but I have been pretty close. I love that of all the days, your aim was on point at that moment in you life. Perfect!

  7. I do not usually snap in actuality. But I have a heck of a snapfest in my head! And some of the stuff I think I should do is down right embarrassing. So I try to keep it to a minimum. I’m a lover not a fighter, heeheehee.

  8. Has a snapper I’m here to let you know you are not alone. LOL! These days it’s more verbal
    (Thank God) than physical. 😀 I am a work in progressss 😉

  9. Whoo, I thought Grandma was going to be the recipient of the battery to the forehead halfway through that story!

    I’ve snapped on a number of occasions. It’s all good, we all do it (some more than others, but you know what I’m sayin’)

  10. Happy belated mothers day to you, mama tdj, grandma tdj and cousin sunshine. 🙂
    That is a cute story. Poor slim. Is the photo of slim’s kids? So cute…

  11. Ummm yes, on a patients Mom. The patient was 16 and in pain. I understand the need to teach a lesson, but I just couldn’t stand to see it. The woman called me a bitch about 5 times too many. I saw red the last one. Especially when I called security and she called me a ” punk bitch”. I took off my badge and earrings remembering my roots and was about to give her a BEAT DOWN. Luckily, my friend pulled me away, security arrived and she was thrown off the floor. I regained my composure and went back in my patients room real professional like nothing ever happened. She got her epidural, had a baby.

  12. Such a fun chuckle in the middle of my morning. The only time I can remember do the physical thing was with my brother. I took off and whaled him good. He couldn’t hit back because I was a girl! Next day, peeking out of his short sleeves was a line of black and blue marks from my knuckles. Visual reminder that I’d better watch my anger!

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