Party Like a Rock Star

One quality about MrTDJ that I simply love is his ability to lift my spirits during the crappiest of crappy moments.  That dude is straight comedy.  Just silly.  And he is always able to turn my evil, frowning azz into a laughing, coughing, snotting ball of giggles.  We’ve shared tons of memorable moments over the years.  Over the course of 20+ years, he’s forgotten a few of these memorable moments.  **sigh**

Over the weekend, we had some home repair frustrations, so MrTDJ suggested we go out for dinner.  Sounded good to me, so we headed out.  As we were exiting the car and preparing to enter the restaurant, a voice called out, “MrTDJ!”  We looked up and saw a family friend from his old neighborhood.  The three of us caught up for a quick minute and then we proceeded inside.  MrTDJ  said, “Babe, do you remember Ralph from the old neighborhood?”.  And he was serious.  I stared into his eyes for about 15 seconds before responding.  “Kinda hard to forget the first person to casually smoke crack in front of me.”  MrTDJ stopped in his tracks and said, “What??? Da hell?? Where were you to be around Ralph smoking crack?”

Ah, how we forget.  I proceeded to refresh his memory.  And just like that, we were D.E.A.D.  Laughing so hard, we couldn’t catch our breath.  Coughing and choking, while the hostess stared to make sure we weren’t getting ready to pass out or something.  We were fine, just lost in the memory.   MrTDJ shook his head while apologizing, “I’m so sorry that I exposed you to that kind of stuff.”  Eh, no worries homie, makes for good blog material.

Picture it, Alexandria, VA, 1994

MrTDJ and I were long distance dating.  There were about 2 hours between us, so we made every effort to see one another as often as possible, which usually ended up being once a month.  MrTDJ and I come from two different worlds.  He calls my life, “The Cosby Show” and I call his, “Boyz In Da Hood”; two loving households, set against very opposing backdrops.

On this particular weekend, I traveled home to Northern VA to see the parents and spend some time with MrTDJ.  After my ill-advised sneak trip that I wrote about here, I always went home to see my parents and chat with them before making any plans to see MrTDJ.  This Friday night, my folks and I enjoyed a nice dinner together, then I headed out to see MrTDJ.  I was in college, but I still had a curfew of 2a.  I know most college kids didn’t, but again, Mama and Daddy TDJ ain’t most parents.

Upon arriving at MrTDJ’s house, we hear that a few of his friends and neighbors are heading to Ralph’s for some cards and laughs.  I’d met his Ralph once or twice in the neighborhood and he seemed ok.  He was a bit older than us, so I wondered if the whole crowd would be older.  MrTDJ was curious too, but promised we could leave if we didn’t like the crowd or if we weren’t having fun.

We walked the 2 blocks to Ralph’s house and found we were the first to arrive, other than Ralph’s mousy girlfriend and a neighbor dude.  We were chatted and laughed for a little bit. They were ok company, but not what I expected.  I was more than ready to grab a movie from Blockbuster and head  back to MrTDJ’s crib.  This was early in our relationship, so we hadn’t yet worked out our verbal and non verbal cues.  I was certain that I was putting ’em down, but MrTDJ sure as hell wasn’t picking ’em up.

The neighbor was engaging MrTDJ in small talk, so I tuned out the others and began to pick the tiny chips at the edges of french manicure.  I heard the flick/whooosh sound that a lighter makes.  You know the sound I mean?  I looked up, prepared to tell MrTDJ that we needed to go.  Ya girl used to suffer from asthma pretty bad and I knew the cigarette smoke would irritate me.  My eyes narrowed and then bulged!  I studied cousin Ralph for a full minute trying to turn the images I was seeing into something I could understand.  A plus B was equalling a whole lotta fuckery, yet image C was clear as hell!




Holy shit!!  Even as Pookie flashed before my eyes, I didn’t truly believe that I was in the midst of a crack lair.  As I watched the smoke curl it’s way across the room, I had thoughts of us all catching fire like Richard Pryor did in Jo Jo Dancer Your Life is Calling.   Sweet Jesus!!  I could see the headlines, “Local College Student Arrested in Drug Sting”.  I wanted to flee, but I was frozen in place.  Struck mute by the entire situation.

MrTDJ and I finally made eye contact.  He was at first confused by the look on my face, but after looking past me to Ralph, he understood.  He yelled, “Yo Ralph man!  What the hell?”

Ralph glanced up, shrugged his shoulders and responded ever so nonchalantly, “Y’all gonna have to excuse me.  I gets high.  This is my house and I don’t share.”  My mouth dropped open in shock and MrTDJ grabbed my hand, pulling me the hell outta that apartment without another word.

Walking the two blocks back to his house, I’m certain that I was still in shock.  I knew that he was talking, but I didn’t hear a damn word.  I kept thinking that I had dreamed it, but um….NOPE!  I had just watched someone smoke crack.  Seriously.  Right in my face.  No pretext, no warning, no apology.  Just pulled it out.  Struck the match.  And went to town.  New Jack City, live and in person.

Well damn.  THAT would NEVER happen on The Cosby Show.


53 thoughts on “Party Like a Rock Star

  1. I can’t handle this story ma’am! it’s all just too much! This is the part i really can’t handle “Y’all gonna have to excuse me. I gets high. This is my house and I don’t share.” Like foreal? I can’t deal! lmaoooooo.

    I so needed this laugh, I thank you.

    • LOL! You know I wanted to! I wanted to tell my parents sooooooooo bad when I got home, but I knew they would have forbid me to hang out in MrTDJ’s neighborhood.

  2. My coworker saw tears running down my eyes; he wanted to know if i was Ok and and i let him red what cousin ralph said and he laughed as well

  3. Mrs TDJ you never disappoint! You should be writing books or developing tv shows! “I gets high” and ” I don’t share”! I guess he felt the need to put that out there because y’all were just salivating to hit that rock, lol!

  4. CTFU @ “I gets high…and don’t share”, smh. But the A+B=C? Priceless! So yeah…..about that, you need to get to working on a short story collection stat! Lawd…honestly, I can’t believe you were in college by the time you had your first exposure :-/

    • I’ve always thought myself a novelist, but you’re like the umpteenth person to mention short stories. Hmm……
      LOL @ my late exposure! The parentals keep me seriously sheltered!

  5. THAT IS CRAZY AND SHOCKING AT THE SAME TIME!! But I’m sure it was the same way I felt when I went to my first house party and saw someone smoking marijuana definitely NOT the same image above but still shocking especially since I would have been considered a sheltered Cosby kid!!

  6. ROFLMAO!! “this is my house and I don’t share?” WTH!?!? Well, at least your life had a little…..excitement….

  7. Oh girl.. we won’t even go there with my mother. She did not play that with me and I still had a curfew in her house when I was in college. Till this day, if I stay at her house, she will stay up until I got back. I just love that woman. And you had very bad asthma too? I still can’t take a lot of smoke around me at all. And that Pookie comparison.. FUNNNNY

    • Ha ha @ the college curfew! Me too! MrTDJ and I were together for many years before we got married and my parents still made us sleep in separate rooms when we when on trips. We were on a family reunion trip to Atlanta once and there was on our way, so MrTDJ’s room got cancelled. Girl, my parents made him bunk with my dad and me with my mom! LOL!

  8. ROTFLALALALALALAL laughing AND laughing! I don’t even know what to say. Ralph was a beast for that comment. How does he look now? I’m surprised he’s still alive and kickin. He clearly had to have left “that narcotic” *said in my Ike Tuner voice* alone. Too Funny!

    • Surprisingly, he doesn’t look like you might think a 20 yr crack vet would look. Not nearly as bad as you could imagine. And yes, he and that narcotic are STILL friends!

  9. Girl between this and your past story about your neighborhood crackhead named, “Crack”…I am literally cracking up! And yes, the pun was intended. LOL!!!!!!!!

  10. Funny. As. Hell.

    This had to be one of the funniest posts I’ve ever read on a blog.

    Crazy @ smoking crack. Let alone at smoking directly in front of someone as if it’s the same as clipping fingernails. LOL!

  11. Hi there Mrs TDJ, i discovered your blog sometime last week and i’ve read every single post. You sure do know how to crack one up. You’ve got a wicked sense of humor and i absolutely love the way you tell a story. Fantastic writing skills IMO, you should consider writing a book or two even. Heard about Tommy Jordan, his daughter and facebook story today, your parents came to mind immediately 🙂 Another example of tough love, lol.

    Ps – in case you don’t know the story i’m referring to here’s a link to the youtube clip

    • Hey there! Thanks for stopping by and for catching up on all my yapping aka writing! I look forward to you handing around with us. Girl!!! My parents popped into my mind when I heard that story too! And yup, I could totally imagine them doing something just like that.

  12. You have the THE best stories hands down! WOW! I don’t know what I would’ve done. I grew up in a “Cosby Show” type family too and was always ending up with guys from the other side of the tracks. I guess deep down I liked adventure but that really would’ve been too too much. It’s funny how that memory was so strong for you and Mr. had to be prodded. It’s like that with me and DH too over things I think are SO major that we experienced together! Keep the stories coming.

    • I think that’s it – they are our polar opposites, thus the attraction. Exactly – MrTDJ was really looking perplexed and clueless for a minute. Even as I’m starting to tell the story, he’s like, “We did?” “When?”

  13. ummm Ralph…the early 90s though, that’s what folks did I GUESS!
    a Hawt mess though…its amazing what you experience with your folk folks!
    sounds like 20 years of fun! over the 13 years we’ve had (on and off) i’d say i’d have some funny ones too, i hope those memories help you hold on and give you peace as you move through this difficult time, PS i am definitely again, right down the street
    ps i had a 2am curfew as well

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