My Apology to Guy Fieri

Dear Guy Fieri,

I’m not Italian, so I think my pronunciation of your last name is kinda lame.  Can I just call you Guy?  Thanks!  Where to start?  Please allow me a little latitude as I get to the point.  I had an experience Saturday night and I knew I had to address it with you.  Guy, you are one of my favorite Food Network personalities.  I watched your season of “The Next Food Network Star” and was a fan from the beginning.  Nathan was ok, so I’m happy he got a Discovery network show, but you were clearly the star meant for the Food Network.   We won’t discuss Reggie.  Anyway, I enjoyed you on “Guy’s Big Bite”, and then when you started “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives”???  Man, I was hooked!!

But, amongst all that I loved about your personality and cooking style, one thing always bothered me.  The eggs, Guy.  What is it about eggs that bother you so?  I think that the egg is a wonderful little food item!!  Omelettes with spinach, mushrooms and cheese?  The perfect hard-boiled egg?  The little slice of heaven in the form of a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich?  And, my personal favorite, the deviled egg?  Oh, Guy!  Why hath thou forsaken eggs???

Well Guy, here in lies my apology.  ****deep sigh****  I now hate eggs.  Yup.  Hate ’em  Loved ’em until Saturday night.  Saturday night, I learned that eggs are evil and should be banished from the planet (along with cats of course).  After a super long day, a lovely party and some car trouble, I arrived home with LittleTDJ (my almost 3 year-old son) at about 2:30am.  After putting him to bed, I thought I still had tons of energy.  

I was scheduled to bring my amazing, almost famous deviled eggs.  Hey, other folks have called them amazing; I’m just quoting facts. I had planned to rise early Sunday morning and prepare the eggs well in advance of my 3pm party.  However, during a discussion on Saturday night with 2 friends, they suggested I boil them Saturday night and prep them Sunday morning.  Hmm, well, I guess that would ensure they’d be cold Sunday in time for the party.  Great idea ladies!!

I gently placed 18 eggs into a large pot and went to my bedroom to post up with my iPad.  After being otherwise involved, I had 21 active WWF games to play.  Geez.  Well, somewhere around game 9, things got fuzzy.  I guess I was more tired than I realized.  I don’t remember feeling sleepy or actually drifting to sleep, but the next thing that registered were bullets and explosions inside my house.  I jumped up like a crazy woman, sending my iPad flying and not even caring.  Since we live whisper close to the hood, I went into survival mode.

Knowing that MrTDJ could sleep through a full military invasion complete with grenades and cannons, I tried to make my way to LittleTDJ’s room.  There was thick black smoke and I had to hug the wall to navigate my way.  The explosions got louder as I exited my bedroom and then it clicked.  Those got damn eggs!!!  I stumbled into the kitchen and threw my hands up to protect my face from the flying shells.  Grabbed two potholders and placed the scorched pot in the sink under a stream of water.  As soon as the popping and sizzling stopped, I carried that mess out to the back porch.

So, that’s it.  I’m done with eggs.  I don’t want to see another, cook another or eat another one.  Like EVER.  After cleaning for almost 2 hours that night, I still spotted a piece of burnt egg shell last night.  Guy, you were dead on in your disgust for all things egg.  I sorry I doubted you.  Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, are you looking for a partner for any of your road trips????  We’d make a killer team.  I got that spark, I promise you!




29 thoughts on “My Apology to Guy Fieri

  1. LOL..oh taya I lurve you..but I will admit..I am not a fan of eggs either..mostly because i don’t like the way they feel in my mouth (hush up peanut gallery)

  2. Hilarious… Once you get finished being mad @ the eggs, Costco sales 2 dozen perfectly boiled and peeled eggs for $3.99 the little extra is worth it.

  3. First off I died at “whisper close” Okay! shoo we all act accordingly when we hear pop pop. Anywhoo, I have had that happen to me a couple of times, although I was pissed, I recovered and I still like eggs. I think you will too! Right now you’re just mad at eggs and I’ll be mad with you!
    Stupid eggs we hate you…ole punks! lol
    I’ll be right there with you too when you cook up some delicious bacon that need some fluffy wonderful, yummy eggs beside them and rejoin #teameggs! LOL!

    Sorry that happened to you. What did you end up making??

  4. Clear the way! I am here to absolve the eggs from all blame in this situation. This was clearly a case of user error that was instigated by one, Mrs. TDJ. Eggs… you are free to go.

  5. Hilarious! Guy hates eggs and watching him on Triple D, makes me laugh when he moves the eggs off the dish he is tasting. Although I don’t hate them, I have develop and allergy to eggs and can no longer enjoy them. I even tried to eat an egg substitute not knowing that it had eggs in them only to have my eyes swell up like Quximodo. So I don’t mess with eggs.

  6. You. Are. Hilarious! I’m with Guy… eggs are kinda gross. I will eat eggs on a breakfast sandwich (especially a bacon, egg and cheese breakfast hoagie from Wawa… holla!) and in quiche, but otherwise I am anti-egg! I especially hate boiled eggs. I think the problem is the yolks. I also hate mayo which is an egg-relative!

    My old hairdresser did the exact same thing with hard boiled eggs that you did… I remember her describing the sound the same way… I’m sure it was scary, but it sounds mighty funny!

  7. You are a pure fool! Of all the dayum times for the imsomniac to fall asleep….smh. I will forever stand by my suggestion of making the eggs that night, hmph. Besides K.Rock is right, don’t blame the eggs for what was clearly user error o_O. New Year’s resolution # 9867515425: repair MrsTDJ’s relationship with the oh so yummy eggs 😉

  8. Uh, I am glad it was the eggs causing the explosion and not the fact of being “whisper close” to the hood. I would have to agree, i don’t think eggs are the culprit here…shannon

  9. HAHAHAHA!! I need you to learn to set a timer when you’re cooking!! And I still can’t get w/him over his egg hate. It drives me BATTY! I lose some respect for him every single time he says it! I’m always like, “YOU, SIR!!!” And then sometimes I have to leave him be for a while while I collect myself.

  10. I’ve always liked eggs. Not as much thanks to that picture! LOL… Well, I am glad it wasn’t gunshots and feel bad for everyone who missed out on your famous deviled eggs.

    It was funny though. (Sorry!)

  11. So because you let yourself be utterly distracted by a silly game until you fell asleep, completely forgetting that you left something boiling on the stove, you now hate eggs? That’s one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard. You should be furious with yourself for endangering your child, not writing moronic blog post about how you blame the eggs. You’re truly lucky you didn’t burn your house down.

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