Yours truly was raised in the Baptist church. Yep, I sure was. Used to attend every, single Sunday with the parents. Yep, I attended Vacation Bible School, was on the Usher Board, sang in the youth choir, worked as a Sunday school aide, etc. You name it, I did it. As I got older, my parents gave me the option of choosing whether I’d like to continue in all my activities and my lazy tail decided not to. Hush! Sleeping in on Sundays was AMAZING! Anyway, although I don’t regularly attend anyone’s church, my faith is strong and I remember most of what I’ve been taught over the years.
I overheard a conversation last night at my nephew’s baseball game that caused me to question my faith and all that I had been taught. I wasn’t trying to listen to the conversation of course, but sometimes, certain words cause your ears to perk up, ya know? It went like this:
Short hair mom: Oooh, so then what did you tell him?
Braided hair mom: Shoot, I told him that I ain’t take it and I was offended dat he said I did.
Short hair mom: I know that’s right! What else?
Braided hair mom: ‘Den I told him that I was a church going Christian and I follow all of God’s teachings, especially the twelve commandments! Told him I would pray for him, ‘den I rolled out.
Short hair mom: Go head girl! That’s right. ‘Dem 12 commandments will keep you living right. You sure told him.
Braided hair mom: I sure did. He almost made me lose my religion.
The continued to cackle on about something or another, but I was still frozen in place. Twelve commandments? Did she really just say 12 commandments? As in the number just after 11??? And did her friend co-sign that nonsense? Oh goodness, and she has children. I’m gonna need ya’ll to pray for those babies.
There are many things that come in groups of 12. Eggs. Yep, 12 in a carton. Jurors. Unh huh, 12 for sure. 12 months in a year. Yup, everyone know that. The 12 days of Christmas. Yes, one of my favorite songs. But 12 commandments?? NO MA’AM THERE ARE NOT!
Please tell me where I can find these two mysterious commandments because they sure as heck aren’t in any of my bibles. My King James version never, ever mentioned there being more than ten commandments. Well, there is the New Kings James version, but I’m sure it’s not in there either. Hmm, maybe it’s different in those versions that the Gideons leave in your hotel room. I can admit to never actually cracking on of those open. (Ya’ll ever read those when you travel?) Wait – maybe they sell bibles at the Dollar Store? Hmm, yeah, that must be it. Maybe there are 12 commandments in bootleg bibles. By the time we left the game, I knew which 2 new commandments I wanted to pass as God’s law:
Thou shalt not speak in broken English, loudly, in a public place.
Thou shalt not attend your son’s softball game in house slippers.
I guess maybe we need to have 12 after all!