Bootleg Bibles

Yours truly was raised in the Baptist church.  Yep, I sure was.  Used to attend every, single Sunday with the parents.  Yep, I attended Vacation Bible School, was on the Usher Board, sang in the youth choir, worked as  a Sunday school aide, etc.  You name it, I did it.  As I got older, my parents gave me the option of choosing whether I’d like to continue in all my activities and my lazy tail decided not to.  Hush!  Sleeping in on Sundays was AMAZING!  Anyway, although I don’t regularly attend anyone’s church, my faith is strong and I remember most of what I’ve been taught over the years.

I overheard a conversation last night at my nephew’s baseball game that caused me to question my faith and all that I had been taught.  I wasn’t trying to listen to the conversation of course, but sometimes, certain words cause your ears to perk up,  ya know?  It went like this:

Short hair mom:  Oooh, so then what did you tell him?

Braided hair mom:  Shoot, I told him that I ain’t take it and I was offended dat he said I did.

Short hair mom:  I know that’s right!  What else?

Braided hair mom:  ‘Den I told him that I was a church going Christian and I follow all of God’s teachings, especially the twelve commandments!  Told him I would pray for him, ‘den I rolled out.

Short hair mom:  Go head girl!  That’s right.  ‘Dem 12 commandments will keep you living right.  You sure told him.

Braided hair mom:  I sure did.  He almost made me lose my religion.

The continued to cackle on about something or another, but I was still frozen in place.  Twelve commandments?  Did she really just say 12 commandments? As in the number just after 11??? And did her friend co-sign that nonsense?  Oh goodness, and she has children.  I’m gonna need ya’ll to pray for those babies.

There are many things that come in groups of 12.  Eggs.  Yep, 12 in a carton. Jurors.  Unh huh, 12 for sure. 12 months in a year.  Yup, everyone know that. The 12 days of Christmas.  Yes, one of my favorite songs. But 12 commandments??  NO MA’AM THERE ARE NOT!

Please tell me where I can find these two mysterious commandments because they sure as heck aren’t in any of my bibles. My King James version never, ever mentioned there being more than ten commandments.  Well, there is the New Kings James version, but I’m sure it’s not in there either.  Hmm, maybe it’s different in those versions that the Gideons leave in your hotel room.  I can admit to never actually cracking on of those open.  (Ya’ll ever read those when you travel?)  Wait – maybe they sell bibles at the Dollar Store?  Hmm, yeah, that must be it.  Maybe there are 12 commandments in bootleg bibles.   By the time we left the game, I knew which 2 new commandments I wanted to pass as God’s law:

Thou shalt not speak in broken English, loudly, in a public place.

Thou shalt not attend your son’s softball game in house slippers.

I guess maybe we need to have 12 after all!


39 thoughts on “Bootleg Bibles

  1. There’s 10 commandments given to moses then there’s the law which is a whole lot of commandments. I’m sure they weren’t referring to the law.
    This shouldn’t make you question your faith…you should’ve tapped her on the shoulder and said 10 and continue you on your merry way.
    I’ve read the Gideon Bibles in hotel rooms but I prefer mine.
    I’ve never seen Bibles at the Dollar store.
    Seriously, people are trying to live on what they dont know and end up in a whole bunch of trouble; that’s why you need to read the Bible for yourself.

    • Thanks for reading and commenting!! =)
      Nah, I didn’t really question just my faith, just a quick second of, “Have a really forgotten that much about church and religion?”
      Dang, I thought the dollar store sold everything. *lol*

  2. When I read that I was like huh aint no 12 I thought it was 10 and started trying to recall the extra two in my head lol WOw.

    Her friend needs to be slapped also for agreeing.

    Um the dollar store bibles dont have 12 either lol

    • Exactly!! You had to stop and really consider it for a minute, right??????
      But wait, DO the dollar stores really sell bibles??
      See, ya’ll are make me do a survey of 3 local dollar stores this weekend. *lol*
      I can invest $3 in the name of good blog research.

      HEY! Thanks for stopping by and reading! I hope you come back often!

    • Just laugh woman!! **LOL** That mess was FUNNY!!
      Especially the confident co-sign that the girlfriend gave.
      Whew, I’m laughing again just thinking about it.

    • Don’t you just FEAR for the kids growing up in that house?

      Mama, how many planets are there?

      Three – Earth, the Sun and the Moon. Stop asking me silly questions!

    • See!!!!! I knew that I wasn’t the only one! *lol* I was like these, no other Gods, honor your parents, don’t kill…….. Brainstorming hard!!!!

  3. OMG! This was too funny! Have they added some recently or something??? LOL I like the 2 you added at the bottom! Too funny!
    I’m glad I came to visit from Gogeous P’s blog! Thanks for the laugh!

    • Exactly! Who’s trying to rewrite the bible in 2011? Damn heathens! *lol*
      I’m glad you’ve been stopping by and hanging out too!! I appreciate you reading and commenting! =)

    • Girl, for a second she had me SHOOK and obviously my readers too!! LMAO!!
      You know how you KNOW, but then something makes you scratch your head and question yourself?
      Yup, this fool got us good!

  4. Were me and you the same person? I grew up and still am Baptist, was on the Usher Board, Youth/Mass/Young Adult Choir, and helped with Vacation Bible School and always attended Sunday School. I find this post hilarious LMAO. Love it!

  5. Even Biggie knew there were 10 commandments. 12 tho? Maybe there’s 60 states…..and the alphabet has 36 letters. We may be the ones not “in the know”…

  6. No No NO NO NO! Shakes head vigorously.

    Welcome back DEAD@ that foolishness…

    …and Fresh’s comment. Clearly it’s us they sounded so sure. LOL!

    • I know, right??? Pure foolishness!
      Hey chica! I missed ya’ll something serious! I’m still going through the 1000 new entries in my google reader and trying to catch up. I’m afraid to “mark all as read” and miss an important post by someone. #noseyash*ll

  7. I’m shaking my head. Maybe she’ll stop fakin it and really get her bottom into church or at least read the Bible.

    I think that those two commandments should be added as amendments…especially the house slippers.

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