Ain’t No Harm In Tryin’, Right?


Like most women, I like to look and smell good.  Over the last two years or so, I’ve been under the bad influence of some ladies I know from an online forum and I’ve developed an addiction interest in delicious smelling bath and body products.  There is a specific company whose products make me swoon.  I have a personal favorite scent which is a heavenly blend of pomegranates, apple, vanilla and musk. **sigh**  I tend to wear this scent often and I receive lots of compliments, from both men and women.  Today’s encounter was the most entertaining, so I figured I’d tell ya’ll how it went down.

Around 10am, I snuck out of my office to hit the credit union before the lunch rush.  After parking, I booked it (2009, Creole in DC) inside trying to make this visit as fast as possible.  As I was heading in, I noticed two older gentleman taking it slow and easy toward the credit union doors.  Slow and easy, as in one dude had a walker and the other needed one.  Once inside, I get into line behind one other person and figured I’d be in and out pretty quick.  NOT! Slow and slower make it to the line and they stand behind me.  And, although I thought I was a stone wall, they started talking to me anyway.  I would later find out that their names were Clarence and Theodore, so I’ll go ahead and use them in the convo.  Clarence is the gentleman with the walker and Theodore is his slow friend.  They reminded me of these two:

Theodore:   You didn’t have to walk all fast like that.  We’d have let you get in this here line first.

**he and Theodore are smiling and grinning**

Me:  Oh no sir, I wasn’t trying to run past you and your friend.  I’m in a hurry to get back to my office.

Clarence:    Smellin’ all good too.

Me:  Uh, thank you.

Theodore:  Ummm humh, she sure do Clarence.  I don’t know what you smell like, but it’s good enough to make me want to bite it.

Me:  Uh, thank you.

Clarence:  Yes indeed.  I know the women.  I got 3 ex-wives and ain’t none of ’em every smell that good.

**Clarence and Theodore share a chuckle, while I smile and pray the line moves quickly**

Theodore:  Nope, ain’t none of ’em ever smell good as her.

Clarence:  And looking all good too.  You spoken for young lady?

**I smile while holding up my left hand**

Me:  Yes sir, I am.

Theodore:  Lucky man, I say, lucky man.

Clarence:  Yeah, cause if you wasn’t, I’d try to make you my 4th.

**I blink rapidly and can’t get a thing to come out of my mouth**

Theodore:  Not if I could get her first.

Me:  Um, thank you for the compliment gentlemen.

Clarence:  I know we a little old, but we’re mature and I’d take you real nice.  You see we in the bank right?

Me:  Uh, yeah, I’m sure you’d be able to take care of your family just fine.

Finally, from the teller window, I hear, “NEXT!” and I spring forward to the window.  But, the credit union is very small and I’m only a few steps from the fellas.

Theodore:  Smells like springtime and juicy fruit.

Clarence:  Yeah, good and juicy.  Got an old man all worked up over some damn smell good.

Theodore:  She’s too young though.  Sure got us a smile today though.

Clarence:  You never know, Theodore.  Ain’t no harm in tryin’, right?

I finished my business at the window and waved to my new buddies as I walked out.  They waved back, each grinning like old fools.  So, thank you Mr. Clarence and Mr. Theodore for my, uh, compliments.  And thank you to the company that has supplied me with my handmade oh so delicious fragrance.  I’m happy I could brighten the morning of two dirty friendly old men!

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32 thoughts on “Ain’t No Harm In Tryin’, Right?

  1. Old men are the worst. You can only smile and thank them but so many times all the while wanting to roll your eyes and say really guys do think I would really holla back??!!

  2. Springtime and Juice Fruit? As in the gum? ROFLMAO!!!

    You MUST email me and tell me what fragrance has you smelling like Springtime and Juicy Fruit!!!!!

  3. “Theodore: Smells like springtime and juicy fruit.”

    HOLLERS!!!!!!!

    It’s amazing what the elderly can get away with. Now if someone in our age group had tried and said the same things, they would have probably received a very different reaction. LOL

  4. I am in TEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You had the double pimp game thrown on you!!

    At least they are better than half the dudes out here today, they let you know up front that they can handle their business and take care of a family!!! LOL!!!

  5. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!! Slow and Slower?!?!? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhahahahahahahahah!!!
    Yes, thank you, I’d like some of that, wait, what did he call it…. Hold please *scrolling up* Aaaah yes *scrolling down* “springtime and juicy fruit” Fragrance…. Its seems to drive men wild 😀 Have a good one Lady.

  6. I am dyin’ @ the following:
    “I’ve developed an addiction interest in delicious smelling bath and body products”
    “Slow and slower ”
    the picture of Claude and Ray (double dyin!)
    “I got 3 ex-wives and ain’t none of ‘em ever smell that good.”
    I have finally flatlined at “Smells like springtime and juicy fruit.”
    ROFLMBAO!!!!!!!

  7. I love it. Too funny. I love old people–they say the darndest things. I can just picture the whole thing. You handled it sweetly though 🙂

  8. This is too funny. Reminds me of a time I was approached by an older man and was totally embarrassed by the time I could get away from him. While I was walking away he continued to loudly yell in the middle of Wally World”Is you in, or is you out”. I was so embarrassed, my mom had tears in her eyes from laughing so hard and I wanted to keel over and die on the spot. She still picks on me to this day about that.

  9. WOW! My grandfather and my great-aunt, both well into their 90’s before the passed away, had no filters whatsoever. I think they figured they’d lived long enough to not care who they embarrassed and that their time was too short to waste it being appropriate! They were hilarious, much like your “friends”

  10. LOL! You may have to consider a more neutral work/running errands scent and save that Juicy Fruit for fun times with MrTDJ.

    In the meantime, you should save that dialogue for part of a script in Eddie Murphy’s next movie.

  11. He wanted to bite you!!! Hilarious!!! I had the starbucks guy tell me one day that he wanted to just hug me all day because I smelled so good. Lol

    Bath and body had this brown sugar fig lotion that smelled so good and I was addicted to it for a long time. Bath and Body can be the devil. Now I just use oils that I order online and get lots of compliments on those. Love a good body oil…and my neutrogena oil. Good stuff!

    JUST sent you an email of that recipe. 🙂 Hope you enjoy

  12. Unfortunately due to my annoyingly sensitive skin, I can’t use lots of smell goods(bath products) unless they are natural, and normally if they are they are pretty boring. But oh my, I loved this convo between these old fools. Men are a mess until they become dust I see. Funny!

    Sincerely,

    Go

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