The Accidental Stunt Woman

Over the weekend, MrTDJ was playing a iPod playlist with an eclectic mix while we were cleaning the house and Letoya Luckett, “Regret” came on.  I’ve always thought it was a decent song, but for some reason, the lyrics actually caught my attention:

I got you right, I changed your life

Suicide doors I cosigned

And together, MrTDJ and I had a good laugh.  Do ya’ll know what suicide doors are?  Or have I absorbed way too many hip hop lyrics courtesy of MrTDJ?  In case you don’t, here’s what the good folks over at Urban Dictionary had to say:

Suicide doors refer to car doors that open in the opposite of the regular direction – hinges are at the back and the front of the door opens. Many cars before WWII had those and now it is a popular conversion on tuned trucks. Suicide doors are considered far more dangerous than normal doors because of the possibility of opening during movement.

Keep that description in mind as I tell  you a little story.  During the summer of 1992, I turned 16 and got my driver’s license.  In September of 1992, I began my senior year of high school.  I never expected my parents to buy me a car, but surprise, surprise, they did.  Daddy TDJ is the chatty type that makes friends easily, everywhere that he goes.  You know, 5 minutes in the grocery store and he knows all about somebody’s kids, health situation and hatred for their job.  Seriously.  Complete strangers approach him and pour out their hearts.  Anyway, Daddy TDJ met a man at the cleaners.  10 minutes later, Daddy TDJ gave the man $25 and the next day, I stepped off the school bus to this:

Oh yes, that’s a 1979 Chevrolet Chevette.  Mine was actually a little more gun-metal grey, but other than that small detail, this was my car.  I instantly hated it fell in love.  Well, maybe the love wasn’t so instant.  More like eventually.  Never mind that I wasn’t expecting a car, somehow receiving this car was a shock to my teenage psyche.  I was never the coolest kid in school.  I was kinda nerdish and clearly didn’t need any thing like a 79 gun-metal grey Chevette to further divide me from my classmates.  But, finally, the idea of some independence won over my offended sense of style and I grabbed the keys with gusto!  I was only allowed to drive to and from school for the first few months, then my parents and I were to discuss other driving arrangements.

The car was desperately in need of a paint job, but other than that, she ran like a dream.  Her only quirk was a janky passenger side door.  I suppose it was misaligned or something, because you had to really slam it and make sure it was closed.  Everyone knew about this issue and it was a running joke amongst my friends.  Driving to school everyday was great!  I loved the freedom that it allowed me.  No more rushing to get things out my locker in the afternoon with fear of missing the bus.  But the biggest perk?  My high school had off campus lunch.  No more day old cardboard pizza and ashy brown meatloaf.  My girls and I were able to leave campus and eat anywhere we wanted.  YES!!

My normal lunch partner was my homegirl who I’ll call Squeaky.  She’s had that nickname forever because she is tiny (about 5’0″) and talks in a pretty high voice.  Her dad called her Pipsqueak, but we call shortened it to Squeaky.  Anyway, Squeaky and I were headed to lunch one fall afternoon.  We hopped into my ride and took off for Roy Rogers.   To get from our school to any of the local fast food establishments, you had to make a left onto the main street.  Traffic was usually thick because all of the seniors were trying to leave for lunch, and there was normal city traffic.  Squeaky and I were talking about our upcoming SAT’s, as I waited to make the left turn.  Finally!  An opening.  I gunned it and made the turn.  Then the convo went like this:

Me:     I’m starting to get nervous.  Are you?

Silence.

Me:      Damn, just me?

Silence.

Me:       Squeaky?

Silence.

I look to my right and she’s gone.  Da hell?  Yes, goneAs in no longer sitting in the passenger seat. ARGH!I shook my head from side to side and rubbed my eyes quickly as if that would cause her to reappear. She didn’t. I immediately slammed on the brakes, which is always a great idea on a busy 3 lane road in the middle of lunch hour traffic.   Damn!  If that wasn’t a stupid, “I’ve only been driving 3 months and I’m panicking!” move, I don’t know what was.  Cars behind steered hard to avoid my little Chevette and I glanced in the rearview mirror in an effort to spot my girl.  I jumped out the car and Squeaky was in the middle of the street like this:

Oh my God, I thought!  I’ve killed one of my best friends.  I jogged the 30 or so yards to where she was lying in the street, as other motorists had pulled over and were heading in the same direction.  I was scared as hell as I approached until I heard her snickering.  She continued to lie there until I was staring down at her.

Me:     Squeaky?? Oh my God!  Are you ok girl?

Squeaky:    Heifer, your trick ass car door ejected me and I rolled across the freaking pavement.   What do you think?

Me:      I am soooooooo sorry!!!  But  you know you have to slam that door really hard!  I didn’t even know what had happened for a minute.  Are you hurt?

Squeaky:    Just my feelings.  Did this really have to happen right in front of the school?  Do you think Derek saw?

Me:      **laughing hysterically while helping her stand up**  Leave it to you to be more concerned about a dude than your health.

Squeaky:    Hush!  I’m fine and I figure this gives me like 89 million points on the friend scale.  You owe me big!

So, yeah, it was scary for a second, but since she wasn’t actually hurt (minus a skinned elbow and small bruise on one thigh) it’s become one of the funniest moments in our 20 year friendship.  When we made it back on campus after getting our food, word of the incident had spread like wild.   We had to go see the school nurse so she could make sure that Squeaky was ok.  MrTDJ found us there.  And leave it to him to keep the laughs going, “Damn, who knew they were putting suicide doors on Chevette’s now?”.

My first car, affectionately named Bucket would provide much entertainment over the next year that I owned her.  Do you own a car in high school?  What was your first car?  Your worst car?

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77 thoughts on “The Accidental Stunt Woman

  1. I. Quit. You. This is the funniest damn thing I have ever read. I laughed, I cried, I called my Mama and told her to read it. Then we laughed and cried together. Thank you – you have made my day!!!

  2. OMG. That is freakin’ hilarious. You have a lot of funny stories to share. More more! That poor girl. I can’t believe she fell out of your car. There really aren’t any words you could have said to her to convey your apologies for accidentally ejecting her out of your car and into the street.

    I never had a car in high school. I didn’t even learn to drive until I was 18 and that was only because my boyfriend at the time taught me how. I bought myself a car in college. Used my extra college loan money to but it. It was a 1985 hatchback Honda Accord and I loved that piece of junk. The doors wouldn’t lock, the glove compartment wouldn’t stay shut and the car would cut off whenever I came to a full stop but it was still my baby.

    • Dude, I was sooooo shocked! And you’re right, my sorry was kinda empty compared to the action itself. Thank goodness she was a good sport about it.
      LOL @ your first car! Oh yeah, sounds like just the kind of first car everyone should experience! It made me appreciate all my cars since!

  3. ROTFDL!!! OH THAT IS THE BEST!!!!!!!! And I hate that chick for cosigning on those doors! What an idjit. So… did Derek see? LOLOL

    Oh yeah and your dad and my dad? SAME PERSON!! DAD!! Stop talking to every strange person you meet!!!

    • Yup, Derek actually did happen to see the whole thing! *lol* Brought her some chocolates the next day to “make her feel better”. They dated through the rest of our time in high school. Hell, she should still be thanking me for bringing them together.

      OMG, how do we make them STOP?? There is no need to know that much about a stranger inside of 5 minutes.

  4. OM..freaking G–this is the best. I’m at work and I cannot stop cracking up. Thanks to you I’m looking really crazy right now, but the laughter is uncontrollable. First of all I thought I was the only one who uses the Urban Dictionary as a reference–but I guess not. LOL. You’ve definitely introduced me to a new term–never heard of suicide doors before. OK and Squeaky sounds adorable and sweet. I keep playing the whole scene over and over again in my head and it still has the same impact on me–pure hilarity. Also your dad is so funny.

    Anyway, I got my first car in my 3rd year of college (I know I was way behind the pack). I think that was in 2002 or 2003 and it was a 1989 Toyota Corolla. I still get made fun of for that car even now but I was so grateful to have it. You couldn’t tell me I wasn’t cool when I was driving it. I cried when it left me cold in the streets (6 hours from home) and I finally had to get rid of it. LOL.

    Great story. Keep ’em coming 🙂

    • The Urban Dictionary is quite helpful, isn’t it?? *lol* I’m surprised more people DON’T use it.
      Ouch @ being stuck 6 hrs from home. The joy and pain that our first cars created cannot be duplicated.

  5. I swear fo gawd that you are the best in story (truth) telling, MrsTDJ!!!! Your girl was lying in the street???? LAWD!!!!

    No, I didn’t have a car in high school, college, nor grad school. My first car is the one I drive now. Late bloomer.

    • Yep, spread eagle in the middle of the street! In later years, I teased her and said it reminded me of that scene from “The Long Kiss Goodnight”. Happy that my antics can bring some laughs and smiles to my peeps!

  6. Girl, if you don’t stop making me look like a fool at work and laughing hysterically like damn fool. These people are gonna fire me thinking I’m nuts. LOLOLOLOL You really have some hella funny stories from your childhood. Keep em coming.

  7. I CAN”T WITH YOU TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!

    Thank you! Thank You!! THANK YOU!!! I needed this laugh!

    Wait, Did you say the car cost $25???

    My first car was a 1986 Chevy Cavalier. Imagine my HORROR when I was given a 1986 car in 1996! I was certain they HATED me! I wanted a champagne pink Volvo but noooooooooooooo! I couldn’t have that! Hmph!

    I wrecked that car on purpose! LOL!

    • Yep, $25! Girl, my daddy was a serious bargain hunter! *lol* Heck, if he had talked to the dude for a few more minutes he might have gotten it for free.
      LOL @ your car! Exactly! I have a 79 in 92, so I feel you pain. Ha ha ha @ a champagne Pink Volvo. Practicing early for Mary Kay, were you?

  8. No car in high school. I was 22 when I got my first car a 1984 Toyota Corolla coupe. It was a problem from the very beginning. It would start whenever it felt like it. Months later, we found out that it had been recalled and the previous owner never took it to the dealer for the service. It was damaged in the 1989 earthquake and it never drove the same again.

  9. First, Thank you so much for stopping by http://www.threefoodwords.com. I greatly appreciate it

    Second, you are in my G.oogle Re.ader (can’t remember how I began to follow you) but when I read this story this morning in my office….I FELL CLEAN OUT! (pun intended). This story was hilarious!

    An old school Grey Chevy Impala with a red interior! That was my ride or die boo before I knew what ride or die was! LOLOL

    • Ha ha @ the Impala! MrTDJ had an Impala a few years ago. Definitely a ride or die kinda car!
      Happy to be in your reader. Thanks for commenting! I’m making your onion soup this weekend. Wish me luck!

  10. You have kill-T me! LMAO. So glad I read this at home because I literally LOL

    I received my first car 3 months before graduating college in 2001. It was a 1992 Honda Accord. It was clean. I had 15 inch rims and “police” tint. I miss that car.

  11. I laughed hysterically and then cried hysterically. The tears are from the stress of the bar exam, I’m sure.

    I love this story. I could picture it so vividly. It could be because we had open campus for juniors & seniors so I was very used to leaving for lunch and I just pictured this happening at my high school. I envisioned that whole thing. Lol. A great story!

    My “first” car was a 1987 Chevy Celebrity that I had to share with my older sister. She turned 16 first so it was essentially community property. My mom didn’t (and still doesn’t drive) so it was imperative that us girls could. Who was gonna take her around???

    When we got that car, it was 1995. It stuck around to 2000. After hitting a deer in it, the Celebrity became known as the Deer Hunter. The driver door didn’t open from the inside so you had to let the window down to reach out and open the door. Nothing was automatic, the speedometer maxed out at 85 and it came with AM radio only. Yes, you read that right. We put a portable, battery operated radio in the car with us to get FM stations.

    So sorry, I just blogged in your comments. Blame the bar exam.

    • Been thinking about you lady! Hoping your kicking tail on your bar exam!

      LMAO @ the Deer Hunter. And completely SLAYED @ ya’ll putting a portable battery operated radio in the car! Whew lawd!

      Feel free to blog in my comments ANYTIME! =)

  12. bahahaha!! What a crazy story!! I had a 1982 Dodge Colt! That bad boy skipped school many of times 😉 It was a great little car until my dad came and met me at school one dark, cloudy day. I hated to say good-bye.

  13. I can not believe you didn’t know what suicide doors were LOL. I think I know that song as well but forgot who sings it. I can always come to your blog for a great laugh, Love this post.

    • I didn’t know until that day in high school! *lol* My dad knows enough about cars, but he was never a hard core car dude.
      Somehow the pop culture references missed me.

  14. LOL!!!! Sooooo funny!!! I didn’t own a car but I was able to drive my mom’s old AMC Concord, affectionately called the White Pony (If you wanna ride, ride the White Pony). The White Pony’s passenger door wouldn’t latch to close most times. All our AMC cars had problems with the doors, she had a 73 Gremlin and that sucka did the same thing. LOL!!!! My current car has suicide doors. It’s a Honda Element and I love it but sometimes those doors get on my nerves when people park super close to me 🙂

  15. OMG! Too funny. I had a gold Chevy Nova. It was late 60’s or early 70’s. My friend had a yellow VW Beetle that you had to keep the windows rolled down or you would die from carbon monoxide poisoning. I have never, ever known anybody’s car that actually threw people out the car.

    • LOL @ the fumes from the Beetle! I had a buddy with a Suzuki Sidekick that had a problem like that. He couldn’t drive faster than 40 (even on the highway) or the smoke and fumes were too thick to see or breath!

  16. ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!

    My dad was like your dad; made friends with any and everybody. He found me a beat up blue Pontiac T 1000. It ran, and that’s about it. And I really only got to drive it to the grocery store and back! And on the rare occasions, to school or to see my boyfriend. But I NEVER EVER had anything that HILARIOUS happen!!! LOL

    • Chatty chatty dads!! I just shake my head now. I’m so used to it that it makes me laugh. Ha ha @ you only hitting the grocery store. Yeah, my parents kept me on a short driving leash for the first year.

  17. Wow!!! Still haven’t learned my lesson yet. I am laughing so hard I couldn’t catch my breath. Had to read this one to Hubby who had a great laugh right along with me. Girl you are HILARIOUS!!!! I’m glad your girl didn’t end up getting run over. That is too funny…and suicide doors??? Classic!!!

  18. I’m so glad I have my own office so folks don’t think I’m crazy.

    I drove a gunmetal gray 1984 Honda Civic for a while in high school. I think I’ve mentally blocked out all the crappy experiences I had in that car.

  19. I promise that you have THEE funniest stories. I stumbled across your blog a couple of years ago and read the story about the crackhead cutting your lawn and thought it was the funniest story ever. This one just may have beat it.

  20. Thanks for the laugh and the picture really had my imagination going. My car story is not as funny as yours but dad got me an old Pinto. After about a year the motor I think went bad or a gasket or something. But for about three months into the late summer and early fall as I drove that car, kids would beg me to drive down their streets. See my car had this thick white smoke coming from it and I guess the smoke was killing the mosquitoes. I was so embarrassed but I drove it until it totally stop and dad took it to the junk yard and sold it for scrap.

  21. You never seize to amaze me. I was LOL at work. It reminded me of my first car that POP-POP brought me. A red Vega – you probably never heard of one – EXACTLY!! It’s made for 4 passengers but going out to party, I would often sqeeze 6, 7 people. One night I loaded my homies and off to party we went. We were all decked out in our best party gear, anticipating the fun night. We get to the club, unfold from the car, I turn the keys in the off position, take them out of the ignition and relize the car is still running. End of the story, we never got to party because no one could get the car to shut off. When arriving home and explaining to POP-POP that the car won’t turn off, he had to disconnect the cable from the battery. I guess that party wasn’t meant to be.

    • Happy that I can entertain you a little at work. Ha ha! I’ve seen pictures of a Vega. OMG, that’s too funny!! I can see ya’ll now confused as heck that the care wouldn’t turn off!

  22. HA-larious!!! no car for me in hs. got my first… a corsica from the auction… in college. was so glad for that 30day return policy b/c i swear it left me right by the MARTA bus stop at day 29!

    • Damn! A victim of the shady auction dudes! I’ve had many a pal get burned by the auction man. Happy you figured it out just in time to not lose your money and get stuck with a lemon. Thanks for stopping by!

  23. NO. WAY. This is hilarious!!! I didn’t have a car in high school, but this reminds me of stories my mom would tell about riding in her best friend’s car when they were teens. LOL, wow.

  24. Hail Mary, full of grace. YO! This was HILARIOUS. Poor Squeaky.

    We all start off with janky cars, I didn’t get my first car until my 23rd birthday (also the start of my junior year in college). Mom bought me a 1994 Mitsubishi Diamante, affectionately known as The Champ. Transmission died about a month in, after that, the drivers’ side wheel came off while driving, then the temp system died that summer…lost in ’06 when I was away at school and couldn’t get it fixed, but loved it just the same.

  25. Girl. Stop. I can’t get the image of the girl lying in the road out of my head! And “trick ass car.’ If I die of laughter it’s you and Squeaky’s fault!

    Hugs and Mocha,
    Stesha

    • And how about this – I laughed, but I felt some kinda way about her calling my Bucket out of it’s name. *LMAO* Imagine that! She’s the one that got thrown and I had the nerve to be offended for like one split second.

  26. *dead* Foolish, OMG, seriously you can’t make this stuff up. I don’t know if I would still be your friend to this day after that stunt!

    My first car was a ’87 Toyota Camry, we called her Cam. Man, good times in Cam she got us where we needed to go. No tape player and no air but who cares we was rollin’. Ironically our worst car came right after we got marrie. It was a ’91 Chevy Caprice Classic. Classic dope boy car that the hubs got from the police auction. Horrible.

    • Ha ha @ her still being my friend! Seriously, I might have given “me” the side eye too and been a little salty for a minute. She wasn’t and we’ve been able to laugh at it ever since it happened.
      OMG, once again – our husbands must have been separated at birth in another life! *lol* We had a electric blue Caprice a few years ago too. Smoked out windows and a sound system that made my chest hurt when he played it louder than “2”.

  27. I can’t believe she was ejected from your car. My twin sister slid out of a 62 Ford Falcon while my older sister was driving. She almost rolled over her and then, when she realized that she ws on the ground, she stopped the car and put her fingers in her ears.

    I’ll never forget how banged up she was.

  28. Oh MY, that was both scary and hilarious, and the pic of the girl laying in the street made me die laughing only to revive myself to die all over again. Yes my first car was a 1997 Ford Contour and I actually felt a bit embarrassed by it because it wasn’t the super sporty Honda or Avenger that I really wanted. But like your dad, my daddy found the salesmen to be so nice and friendly so he was like, You get this car from this man or you get nothing. Ugh. Oh wow. My mom’s 80’something delta use to have “suicide doors” they would fling open without warning, and when my mom would whip corners out of habit she would hang on to us. Hilarious. Thanks for this read.

    Sincerely,

    Go

  29. Pingback: A May December Kinda Thing « Just Another Day with MrsTDJ

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