The Brown Man or the Orange Man?

I’ve always had bad luck when it comes to having packages delivered.  U.SPS is the absolute worst and I try to avoid them no matter the situation.  Sounds extreme, right?  Not.  You must be unfamiliar with THIS moment in TDJ history. So, that leaves UP.S and F.edEx.   I normally roll with the F.edEx folks.  My packages ALWAYS get to me.  Novel concept, huh?  I’ve been forced to do UP.S because of Ama.zon but all had been ok.  Until this package.  Ugh.  Well, Natasha the Newlywed had some UPS issues this holiday season too, which reminded me that I hadn’t told you guys about our situation.  But, as things unfolded, perhaps I was too quick to pass the blame to brown.

Hubs ordered some techie computer parts from e.bay and forgot about them.  After what seemed to be too long, he inquired to the seller and they emailed a tracking number from U.PS.  I logged on to their website and saw this:

Hope ya’ll can read that.  It says that the brown man delivered our package on 12/17/10 to our front porch.  Oh yeah????   Hmm, I’m not liking the way is heading.  The fam and I live on an excellent block in a decent neighborhood.  But eh, I could walk to some not some pleasant pockets with ease, ya know?  Since it was 12/21/10 by this point, clearly there was a problem.  Just in case my trick eye was acting up, I went out to the front porch and scanned it for packages.  And when I say “scanned”, I mean “blinked” because our porch is just large enough for 2 small chairs and a teeny weeny wrought iron table.  It’s more like a “landing”, but I prefer the term “porch”.  Anyways, after completing my assessment, I decided to check the back porch.  Often, the Fe.dEx folks would put packages out back.   Because again – we don’t live that far from the thugs and thugettes.   Fe.dEx gets it and hopes that unattended packages make it to their intended destinations.   Ya’ll remember when those fools drove through my fence? Bastards.  Anyway, I checked and nope, no box on the back porch either.

I call UP.S back and am told that I’ve got to contact the shipper to initiate “trace locate” protocols.  OK.  Email seller and he says he’ll handle it.   Seller says that after a 10 day investigation with UP.S, he will ship another package and I promptly supply my work addy.  I’m a little salty with UP.S, but eh, ish happens right.

Fast forward to yesterday, 12/29/10, 12 days after the “front porch” delivery.  LittleTDJ and I get home and find this on the table:

The mystery package!  So, the orange man got us after all.  Here’s what I know happened:  Brown man delivered package to front porch in the middle of the afternoon, 8 days before Christmas.  One or more orange men saw said package and thought that they were on the comeup.  Orange men scooped package from porch and kept moving.  Once they were in a safe location, they hastily tore into said package and were at first confused.  “WTF is this?”, they said to one another.  Frustration replaced confusion as they realized they took a risk for NOTHING.   Remember, MrTDJ is a techie.  So, he builds computer servers and duplication stations, etc.  Two of these were in the box:

Nothing you can use suckas!!  The orange men were irritated, frustrated and disappointed that they didn’t score anything good for street sale or to give away as a Christmas gift.    I’m shocked that they actually brought the box back.  Not only did they bring it back, but contents were shoved inside of a flimsy black convenience store (aka liquor store or “carryout”).    All pieces are accounted for and intact, minus a tear to the paperwork/invoice.

Sorry for blaming you brown man.  It was the orange man this time.

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12 thoughts on “The Brown Man or the Orange Man?

  1. I know those crackheads were MAD AS HELL!!!!!!!!!!!! Bwahahahahahahahaha! Serves their theiving asses right!!!

    They were probably soooooooo confused….BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

    I had my own issues with UPS, and I believe I got gaffled as well. I am going to have packages sent to my office from now on.

  2. No they did not return in. Thugs with a conscious. Lol! Lluckily it was something they couldn’t use. Jeez 😦
    When we got back Sunday evening the present I ordered was on the front porch, after it sat there for a couple of days. Now I have to spend more money to send it to my sister. smh

  3. We have the exact opposite experiences. My packages sent through UPS arrive on time. If the driver arrives early in the day and no one is at home, he will stop by again later in the day. USPS, well the timely manner of those deliveries rely on the honestly of the individuals who work in our branch office. You see, they have to look at all magazines and those they like, never arrive. If a package looks especially good, they will open it and determine whether or not they like it. My Mother has cursed the clerks and the office manager out numerous times. My sister who lives a few blocks away, has cursed them out also.
    FedEx, the driver kept my Black Berry Bold. He had the nerve to say that he left it inside my gate. The only way a box would fit is if someone opened the gate and let him leave it inside. I am thankfuly that I purchased a $5 refurbished BB Bold. The customer service rep had the nerve to tell me that I should just request another cell from att. I complained to headquarters. They still did nothing.

  4. Okay, so my tail was really wondering ‘who is the orange man???’ In case you hadn’t realized, I’m slow with a y ….sloy. #toknowmeistoloveme

    I wonder if your former lawn care provider Edward Rakesawhands is behind this.

  5. DEAD@orange man!!!!!!!!

    I’m glad the orange man returned the goods!! I live on a main street and the news reported fools have been driving around neighborhoods looking for and grabbing packages from peoples porches! This made me angry because I knew I would be receiving items over the holidays. Luckily both men brown and white? blue delivered out of view.

  6. Girl, I’ve had horrible luck with U.sps, U.ps and Fed.ex. They all suck in my opinion. Our mail carrier is SOOO freaking lazy, if we have a package he wont even bring his lazy butt to the door he just puts the slip in our mail then we have to drive to the post office to pick it up. No matter the day or time I swear I’m always in line forEVER.

    It took me a minute to realize what you meant when you said Orange Men. HILARIOUS!!!!

  7. I had the same exact thing happen to me only it WAS the brown man’s fault. They delivered a 47 inch Flat Screen TV to my front porch at Christmas time last year in 2009 in the middle of the afternoon. I was furious. I live in a nice neighborhood but crime happens everywhere. This fool left the package on my porch, really? A big ass brown box in the obvious shape of a TV. It wasn’t marked but come on, nobody is dumb. I don’t get home until later in the evening so that TV sat there for hours just waiting for someone to take it. When I got home, was the TV there? Nope. It was gone and I got it replaced for free and didn’t have to pay a dime. I cussed UPS out so bad that they won’t even deliver a pair of socks or a couple of sheets of paper without someone signing for it now. LOL If i’m not home they will take it back to the UPS homesite and I have to pick it up from there. If something is delivered by UPS now, I just have it delivered to my job cause i don’t have time to go to UPS several times a week. LOL Yep, that’s how much I order. (lately anyway) I choose Fedex over UPS anyday though. But yeah those orange folks are sometimes the culprits. Glad you got your stuff back. Damn crooks!

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