Ready? Set? Let’s Race!

That’s it!  I’m putting my sign up and recruiting for a partner. I’ve been thinking, hoping, wishing and contemplating for years over this decision.  And now?  I’m finally ready to officially share it with ya’ll.  I’ve had a thing for reality shows since they game out.  I even wrote about my little addiction a few years ago in this post here.    I’ve always wanted to go on one.

Considered The Real World on MTV back when it was hot, but I wasn’t nearly as wild as they like their contestants to be.  I am a total STAN for everything Top Chef and I’m kinda nice in the kitchen, but I’m no where near the caliber of those contestants.  Survivor sounded good until they start picking skinny and/or pumped up folks only, and the idea of traipsing around in a bathsuit for weeks on national tv is completely unappealing to me.  I think I could do well on Big Brother, but I think I’m a little too old to win against the 20 somethings they normally pick.

A show that’s in my top 5 is The Amazing Race.  Just in case you’ve never watched, here’s the show in a nutshell.  Eleven (2) member teams go on a race around the world.  They start somewhere in the U.S. and spend the next few weeks traveling from city to city, continent to continent, performing challenges that are authentic or symbolically representative of the places they visit.  Each city or “leg” has a finish line and one team is eliminated.  The final three race back to the U.S. and the first team to make it is the winner.  Sounds pretty simple right?  The good folks over at wiki.pedia break it all the way down over here.

I want it ya’ll.  I want to be on that show.  I’ve wanted it since I watched the very first episode in September 2001.   Traveling the world, doing challenges, feeling the burst of adrenalin and excitement, while having a ball with a partner.  Ahh, sweet.  But alas, I need a partner.  There are few pesky CBS rules.  All contestants must over 21 years of age, U.S. citizens living in the U.S., valid U.S. passport, reasonable physical and mental health, and you can’t be hold a current political office or be looking to hold one for one year after the show airs.  Umm, ok to the last one.  No worries there.

Fine.  I’m cool with all those.  Now, down to the nitty gritty – the partner.  I’ve watched husbands/wives, siblings, BFF’s, neighbors, sorority and fraternity buddies, cousins, work colleagues, etc.  Soooooooooo, who’s with me?  The perfect partner is ready to brave the elements, keep their cool, sleep in less than ideal conditions, and just be ready to roll with whatever the game throws.  Is that you?

Let me tell me some of my strengths and weaknesses.  If any of my weaknesses are you strengths, I’m gonna need you to holla at cha girl.

Strengths

• calm and collected, even under pressure AKA I will NOT cuss you out when you f*$# up a challenge)
• healthy and in decent physical shape.  I do commit to improved my stamina and ability to run short distances AKA I’ll be able beat another team in a 50 yd dash.  100?  We’re going home.
• not afraid of heights
• moderately fluent in French, rudimentary knowledge of Spanish AKA great help in some European and South American countries.  Pretty useless in Asia and Africa, where the show loves to go.
• willing to eat weird ish AKA I’m your girl when it comes to eating cow brains, beetles, and pig tails
• very charming in sticky situations

Weaknesses

• I can’t swim.  Nerp, not a lick.  I love the water and I’m not afraid of it.  I can float and tread water a little, but not swimming.  I’d try to learn before the race starts, but I can’t guarantee I’d be proficient.  Usually only partner has to do a swimming challenge, so we should be cool.
• In many countries, cats are either revered creatures or simply allowed to run free.  This point, boys and girls, is kinda crucial.  If you know me in real life or have been reading my blog for more than a second, my paralyzing fear of cats is well known to you.  If you have no idea what I’m talking about, click here or here for some context.  Now, this little sticking point may prove a little challenging for my partner and I.  If we actually were selected for the show, I might consider some therapy for my fear.  Assuming that it wasn’t “cured” by race time, I’d need my partner to really have my back.  I’m talking about 20/20 vision to scan the scenery for all evil creatures, a menacing growl and bark to discourage the bastards from coming anywhere near us and a strong arm so that when I grab you and dig my fingernails into your flesh, you don’t cry out nor hold it against me later.

Have you ever wanted to be on a game show or a reality show?  Which one?  Anyone ever been interested in the Amazing Race?  You want to partner with yours truly?  Let a sista know.  We could bring home a million bucks!!