My Grandma Should Be On A Stage

Repost by Request – April 2007
Some of ya’ll out there know my Grandma LouLou in real life.  She’s a pistol and she should be a comedian on stage somewhere.  But, she’s never actually trying to be funny. She just tells it like she sees it and in her 81 years here, she’s developed a comedic timing that could rival the big boys.

A little background on the conversation that we had over the weekend. LouLou has six children. Our conversation centered around her oldest son and his wife. We’ll call him Uncle Henry and her, Aunt Alice.  Uncle Henry and Aunt Alice have been married for over 30 years. Aunt Alice happens to be white. Not an issue as far as the family is concerned, but it’s essential to the story. After living in rural Pennsylvania all their married life, they’re moving to rural Georgia this month. Over the last two months, while they put their home on the market, packed, visited GA, etc, they’ve been hard to reach. So, this is what LouLou had to say about the whole thing:

Me: Have you talked to Uncle Henry and Aunt Alice lately?

LouLou: No. I call and they don’t call me back.

Me: Really? That’s not really like them.
LouLou: Not the old them, but the new them.  I think Alice got a plan.
Me: A plan?

LouLou: Hmm hunh. You know I love Alice right? She’s a good daughter in law. But yesterday, I was watching that Lifetime channel for women. You watch that channel?

* chuckling lightly to myself *
Me: Yes ma’am, sometimes I watch Lifetime.

LouLou: That’s a good channel – sad sometimes, but still good. So anyways, I was watching and I got to thinking. I think that all this not calling back and stuff is part of Alice’s plan. She gonna take Henry down to that little town, where they don’t know nobody, kill him for the insurance and we won’t know for months. Then, after she kills him, we won’t even think nothing of it when he don’t return the calls. She’s setting up a pattern.

Me: Huh? You think Auntie is going to kill Uncle Henry?

LouLou: Well, like I say, I love her and she’s been good to me, but you know how them white women are. They kill their men. And sometimes for no good reason at all.

* silence as I try to control my laughter *
Me: Gram, I’m pretty sure that Auntie is not plotting to kill Unc.

LouLou: Umh hunh. Ok then, I’m not gonna tell nobody else, but you remember what I say. Come July or August, after it’s all said and done, they won’t even be able to find no evidence of the crime in the woods out there.  You remember that I knew it first.
Me: Isn’t it past your bedtime?

LouLou: I know you think I’m crazy sometimes, but you better mark my words. I know how them white women are and if you don’t, you need to watch a little more of that Lifetime channel for women. They’ll explain it you real good, in a bunch of ways. Good night baby.
Me: Good night Gram.

What more can I say? I love her dearly and she cracks me up.

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30 thoughts on “My Grandma Should Be On A Stage

    • You know, you might be onto something. I would LOVE to watch a bunch of old folks let loose with their thoughts on various subjects. That is bound to be hilarious!!

  1. LOL ! I can tell I would love spending time with your grandma. Hilarity and wisdom all rolled into one ! I love the matter of fact way she presented her theory. I must agree that watching too many hours of Lifetime, will make you paranoid.
    I love the picture you chose for this post. Too cute !

  2. That’s nothing you should have heard the convo grandma and me had the other day. She told me Debo needs to hurry up and marry me and is the nigga playing games, Lol. I said grandma all in due time. But oh that wasn’t good enought she turned gangsta out of nowhere and said I will just on him. Mine you she is like 86. Lmao too funny Lou Lou.

  3. He should start calling back. His wife might not kill him but when people don’t maintain consistent contact it takes longer to discover foul play.

    My husband hates my Lifetime based scenarios.

    • Agreed! She called him not too long after that and read him the riot act for not keeping in touch regularly. My hubby keeps threatening to put a parental lock code on Lifetime. *lol*

  4. ROTFL @ They’ll explain it you real good, in a bunch of ways. She’s right about that! The reason I don’t watch that channel! How many times can I watch the same story but this time with a chocolate blonde instead of a dirty blonde? Subtle nuance…

  5. Bwahahahaha My husband’s grandmother used to say the same thing about me because she called one time while I was frying pork chops. Yes, girl, I was trying to kill my husband by frying his food. ROTFL

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