If You Ain’t First, You’re Last

The temp that is working in my office is a moron.  No, seriously, stop laughing.  I mean it.  She is more pleasant than any other human that I have ever encountered, yet she does not comprehend that she doesn’t have the capacity to perform even the most basic administrative tasks.   Even her smile is starting to work my last good nerve.  I think she’d be much better as a Walm.art greeter.  It’s almost the holiday season, so I’m sure they’ll be looking for workers. (Don’t anyone dare send me an email about offending the mentally challenged or the differently abled!  I’m not in the mood!)

I mentioned a few weeks ago that my office is in a man down times 3 situation.  Our staff of 5 went to 2 and the workload hasn’t changed.   We’re in a transition period so for various reasons, we are unable to hire new staff to fill the vacant positions.  Our only option was to see if any contract worker in another department, within our agency, was up for grabs.  Well, lo and behold, one program area volunteered Bambi.  That’s the nickname I gave her because whenever I try to explain a task, she freezes and her eyes get big like a deer caught in the middle of the road.   **side eyeing the hell outta that that program area** Any way, after two days, I realized that she was not going to be any more help than my 15 nephew.  At best, I was hoping that she could do some of the simple, yet important functions that I’m too busy to do.  You know, like answer the phone and take messages???????

I see ya’ll laughing and shaking your heads.   Stop being mean MrsTDJ and stop exaggerating is what some of ya’ll are thinking. I’m not!!  Obviously I need to provide at least one example.  Fine.  What, you thought I wouldn’t have any?   I’m only going to give you one, because any more would make this post too long to read.  Maybe I’ll give you another later in the week.

I’m a meeting and event planner. Not sure if I’ve ever told ya’ll that.  And of course the fall is my busiest season.  I used to be able to rely on one of the girls that left to do all my administrative stuff in preparation for the day off my meetings.  She copied agendas, created packets, printed badges, etc.  Instructing Bambi on these tasks has been oh so tedious.  But, with lots of instruction, she’s been able to get it.  Except for the badges.  They threw her for a loop.

I thought the task was simple and my directions clear, but alas, the results did not reflect those assumptions.  I provided her with a computer generated, alphabetized list of registered attendees and a matching computer badge file (6 per page).  I asked her to a) print the badges, b) tear them apart, c) place them in plastic badge covers, and d) keeping them in alphabetical order, inset them into badge boxes for registration/check-in the morning of the event.

I knew something was wrong when she hadn’t checked in with me in two days.  Usually she’s begging me for work four to five times a day.  Two days without a peep meant that something was up.  There were less than 200 people on the list.  No way should the task take two days.  On the third day, I walk over to her desk and here’s the conversation:

MrsTDJ:                Hi Bambi, just checking in.  How is the badge project coming along?

Bambi:                  Well, I’m almost done, but it’s taking me forever.  **grinning**

MrsTDJ:                **raised eyebrow** Really?  Did you encounter a problem?

Bambi:                  Well, you see, everything was out of order, so it took a while to fix them all.

MrsTDJ:                **confused and frowning** Hmm, the file appeared to be fine when I emailed it to you.  Let’s see what you’ve got.

Ya’ll, I opened the box and I was truly perplexed for a minute.  I saw, Anthony Wang, followed by Avery Tucker, followed by Bill Elliot and Bing-xue Cai.  I actually cocked my head to the side and almost scratched my temple in confusion. Who in the hell alphabetizes by first name? Really??????  Seriously?????   Secondly, they were ALREADY ALPHABETIZED IN THE PROPER WAY.  She had to mess them all up, then redo them incorrectly.  Seriously????

Bambi:                  **reddening in the cheeks as a result of me NOT being able to fix my face, all the while smiling like a court jester** Is something wrong?

MrsTDJ:                Bambi, the file I sent you was in alphabetic order, by last name and I asked you to KEEP them in that order.  Why did you decided to change the order?  And before you decided to change it, since I gave you specific instructions to KEEP them in the same order, perhaps you should have checked with me?   **trying not to jump across the desk and smack this idiot across the forehead**

Bambi:                  **gulping loudly** Oh, um, well, I didn’t know, or rather, I didn’t know and well, I thought that I was helping.  Sorry!  Ok, I can fix them, but it will take me a day or so.

MrsTDJ:                **sighing loudly** Bambi, it shouldn’t take you longer than two hours.  Use the computer generated registration list and put them in exactly the same order as they are on that list.

Bambi:                  Gosh, you just saved me so much time.  Thanks!

Exasperation does not begin to explain how I feel regarding this chick’s presence in my office.  I had a come to Jesus meeting with my boss last week and told her that Bambi had to kick rocks or I was gonna lose it.  I’m working at 200% right now.  I’m logging on at home for 2 hours a night and I’m skipping lunch most days.  All of which I’m willing to do because January is evaluation time and I better get a freaking award I’m a dedicated employee.  However, I can’t do all that I’m doing and be IRRITATED and ANNOYED by Bambi.  I can’t keep wasting time explaining things three and four time to still have her fugg them up!  I just C.A.N.T.   Her last day will be November 12.  Pray that I make it without shanking her.

Ugh!  I feel a little better now that I have vented.  Have you ever dealt with a co-worker who just didn’t get it???  Have you ever had to supervise that person???  Have you ever had to fire someone???