I don’t love animals. Tons of people seem to shy away from making such a statement, but not the kid. There’s nothing wrong with not being a lover of animals. I don’t hate them, I simply have no specific interest in them or desire to be around them.
Specifically, I’m terrified of cats. Here’s the story about the one that tried to kill me. During my childhood, I had the requisite puppy for a few years. In case you didn’t hear the story, click here – I loved him for a minute, but I nah, I wasn’t super attached. Later, my dad had a Doberman. He was kinda cool, especially when I was young enough to take rides on his back. *lol* After he died, I was relieved to not have any more pets around. I have a few family members and friends with animals. I avoid some and I can tolerate others. I’ve even grown quite soft and fond of Creole in DC’s dogs, Lucy and Jaru.
Hubby has been applying gentle pressure to get a dog for about ten years. Ha, me bow to gentle pressure? I think not. I’ve been shutting him down with the quickness. However, now that Little MrTDJ is here and almost two years old, MrTDJ’s tactics have changed. “Every boy needs a puppy.” Ah nice move, tug on my heart strings a little harder why don’t you? But nerp, still not gonna happen. Little MrTDJ is my weakness but I won’t be swayed. No animals.
Imagine my horror and dismay when I realized that a huge mouse/rat groundhog appears to be living in our backyard; or more specifically, under our deck. I’m NOT amused. I want it gone immediately. MrTDJ laughed and said if we had a dog, it would keep the groundhogs away. I told him to zip it and called DaddyTDJ for a solution. I was hoping to bomb it, poison it, etc. He said that we needed to trap it. **crickets** We?? Trap?? Did he really use those two words in the same sentence, as if I haven’t been his daughter for 34 years? Um yeah, right.
So, ever resourceful, I called the Prince Georges County Animal Management Group. ***sigh*** After calling repeatedly for three days, they finally answered the phone this morning. They don’t consider groundhogs to be wildlife and no immediate assistance is available. Say what? It’s not our pet! But here’s the kicker – if we trap it, they’ll come pick it up.
Yep, let me break it down. We can either rent a trap, for 7 days, from the county at a cost of $25 or we can purchase our own from Ho.me De.pot. The person I spoke too encouraged me to buy our own because groundhogs are tricky and usually it takes longer than 7 days. Ugh! Trap it? She assured me that it would be kept alive in a “humane” trap. Dude, you’re not helping. I’d be fine if you killed the darn things. I was already disgusted with the whole situation, when she started to break down the “trapping rules”. Rules??????? GTFOHWTBS!
Groundhogs are omnivores, so traps should be set with fresh vegetables and fruit such as tomatoes, bananas, grapes, green peppers, etc. What? I’ve got to feed this sucka? You’ve gotta be kidding me. Can’t he eat a little piece of cheese or something? A big hunk of peanut butter like the big mouse that he is? Whatever. I’m not feeding his ass any expensive fresh produce!
Groundhogs can only be trapped Monday-Friday, from 7am to 10pm. No trapping between 10pm-7am, on the weekends and holidays. Um, how exactly does that work? Once MrTDJ or DaddyTDJ set those bad boys, they are staying set until something is caught. No, no, no, says the county. Traps should be taken down each night, over the weekend and on holidays. What? County workers are off during those times, so yep, you’re not supposed to trap then. They say that it’s cruel to the trapped animal to stay in the trap for long periods of time. Wait, didn’t you just tell me to feed that joker? With all kinds of yummy, fresh produce in that trap, he can stay in there for a day or two until ya’ll come retrieve him. He’ll be ai-ight!
So, this critter can come onto our back deck, knock stuff over, nibble our candle holders and placemats, eat holes in our otherwise maintained lawn and scare the living crap outta me at night, but I’ve got to try to trap him in the most humane way possible? Who’s torturing whom here? I don’t give a flying fig about the feelings of the groundhog. I don’t want to even hear about that damn Phil seeing his shadow or not next year. Get your ass outta my backyard and everything will be fine! PG County can miss me with that “humane” BS. This sucka has got to go. I think I’m gonna try to find Pookie and ‘nem to see what they can do about our little problem.
Have ya’ll ever had a groundhog or other wild animal on your property? Did it bother you? How did you get rid of it?