Repost by Request: A Saw By Any Other Name

Hey all. I’ve been MIA dealing with a big work conference.  It’s over now and I can return to blogging. I bet ya’ll all think you know what the pic above is and what it’s used for, don’t cha? Well, keep reading.

Anyway, I’m working on a few posts, but what I saw tonight when I got home made me grab the laptop for a quick post.

A little info on my neighborhood: I live in DC, in a neighborhood that is starting to become gentrified, but it’s another 5-6 years coming.  So, there are still abandoned buildings, drug dealers, mixed with 400K homes and brand new condos popping up daily. Get it?Our home is small, but neat. My husband isn’t that handy around the house, especially when it comes to the yard work. With all the recent rain that we’ve had, our grass looks like this:

It’s kinda pitiful, I know. Hush! Prior to this year, there was a teenager three doors down who cut it every two weeks, but he’s gone away to college. I haven’t yet found another teenager to handle things.

We also have another neighbor, address unknown, who I call Crack. Crack is a likeable dude, but unfortunately, he’s a an addict. Not sure exactly what his drug of choice is, but there’s definitely a problem. So, Crack comes by every couple of days to offer services like car washing, trash collection, gutter cleaning, etc. He offers most of his services for $5. WTF? Note to Crack – ask for $10 dude. Anyway, hubby and I normally give him at least $10, but sometimes, depending on what the work is, we’ll give more.Fast forward to this evening. As I’m coming in from work, Crack appears and chats me up a bit. After a minute or two, ya girl is ready to get in the house and take my damn stockings off. Crack claims that he knows someone with a lawnmower he can borrow and asks me if I want the grass cut. Uh, Crack, I think I lost my husband in there this morning. Of course I want the grass cut. So, I say yep, cut away.

Hubby arrives and we take a ride to go house hunting (more on that another day). When we return, this is what we see:

What in the Edward Scissorhands, blind grass cutting hell is this?

There is no sign of Crack, but there is a collection of tools on the front porch:

Let’s take a closer look at the tools that Crack has chosen for this task:

A hand saw with half a handle? And what the hell was he planning on digging up? Where are the rest of the “fingers” to the rake? Lordie, lordie. My poor lawn. I laughed all the way into the house to get the digital camera. As you can see, this pic was taken at about 9pm and it was pretty dark out. The porch is only lit with motion lights and the entire yard is normally dark.

Crack hasn’t been back to finish, so he may have given up. Judging by the assembled tools, I don’t blame him. He’ll be back. If not tonight, then tomorrow. If you live in NE DC, lock up ya lawnmowers!


31 thoughts on “Repost by Request: A Saw By Any Other Name

  1. LOL! Aww, you live in NE…I used to live in NE (Brookland) when I was there. I miss DC so much…I think it’s in my 3 -6 year plan to get back there.

    • We’re across the line in PG County now, but I do miss certain things about our old neighborhood.
      YAY @ you and your little lady leaving TX for the East Coast!

  2. AAAHHHH!!!! that was hilarious. I refuse to move to the city but my part of MD is also in the process of “making moves for the betterment of the neighborhood” aka gentrification.

    Tell Crack he could have at least taken his rusty tools with him! LOLOL!

  3. If I recall correctly, this was the first post I read of yours. I still come back and read it from time to time when I need a good laugh. This shit tickles my soul unconditionally!!!!

    • I read again just for good measure. I still want to know what the hell he thought he was gonna chop down with that shovel. ROTFLMBAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • For real?? Awww, my homegirl!!
        Yeah, at least the rake sorta made sense, and I guess in some ways you could justify the saw, but the shovel????
        Maybe he was planning to plant some weeds for me or something. I haven’t a clue!!

  4. Oh Gawd!!! This story is too funny!!!! I love visuals so much!! *DEAD*@”What in the Edward Scissorhands, blind grass cutting hell is this?” and those tools???? Made my day!!! Thanks!

  5. Wow! Crack must have a brother who lives in North Philly named Darryl because I swear this sounds like one of the stories- visuals and all – that my mother always has in store for me about her neighborhood’s jack of all trades!

  6. Oh my gosh!!!! I stared at the tools for a second. . . . A saw with know handle??? I’m surprised he did as well as he did. I could understand if he used garden shears, but a saw??? I live in PG as well, but even though we’re LITERALLY two traffic lights from SE DC, apparently our subdivision is too far away for fun stories like that.

  7. LOL Girl, you better check for bodies. That is too funny. I’m planning on being in NE D.C. this weekend ~ I do not want to meet Crack. LOL Thank you for sharing.

  8. LMAO. that was too funny! Well, i thought at least he tried, i mean cutting grass with a saw is pretty inventive…i thought at first he used scissors. Too funny girl!

  9. Oh My Freaking Goodness! This is funny! Good thing y’all only paid a few bucks, lol. The pics are too funny. What kind of tools was this dude using?

  10. Pingback: I’m So Honored and I’m Passing It On | Living Outside the Stacks

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