To the Right, To the Right

Hell, Beyonce made,  “To the left, to the left” a hit refrain.  Maybe if I start walking around singing, “To the right, to the right”, some of them will start moving!

I love 99% of my commute from Washington, DC to Baltimore, MD.  I travel along the Baltimore Washington Parkway and it’s a very direct and typically stress free trip, except when the road is full of them. For those of you who are not familiar, the BW Parkway is two lanes for approximately 25 miles. Yes, only two lanes. And two lane highways ALWAYS bring them out.

I detest them. Some days, I don’t see any of them. And other days, LIKE TODAY, I want to brandish a weapon and banish them from earth.  Who are do I keep referring to as them, you ask?  You might just be one of them. I hope not, because if so, your feelings may be hurt by what I’m about to say.

THEM are slow drivers who don’t acknowledge their part in the collective driving experience.  THEM are people who should have learned in driver’s ed that the left lane is for passing.  THEM are the driver’s who need to get their asses into the right lane.

Huh? What’d you say MrsTDJ? Say it a little louder for those that didn’t get it the first time. You know, the slow folks who are talking on cell phones, singing with Johnny Cash, thinking about the weather, etc.   You know, the folks who don’t make driving the active task.  I said, Slower drivers should move their asses to the right because the left lane is for passing.

Let me say this – no matter the posted speed limit or how fast you’re driving, if you are in the left lane with empty road ahead of you, MOVE and let the cars behind you go.  This is especially true if the car behind you is very close to the rear of your car, if they have honked at you or flashed their lights.  Don’t get me wrong, I think tailgating is dangerous and I think honking and flashing is aggressive and rude.  Some drivers get so frustrated, they begin to play the zig zag game, just to get past them.  But, like Chris Rock told us, “I ain’t sayin’ it’s right, but I understand.”  I don’t condone aggressive driving, but dag nabit I understand.

I’m sure that I’ll hear the following objections from the very folks who are talking about.

They’ll say, “I’m going the speed limit, so I can stay in the left lane.”
To that, I say, “No, the left lane is for passing, so if someone is trying to pass you, then you need to move from the left lane.”

They’ll say, “You’re going too fast and it’s dangerous.”
I counter with, “Get in the right lane and I’ll be past you before you know it. Crisis averted.”

They’ll say, “I’m not moving because you’re speeding and you shouldn’t be going that fast anyway.”
I laugh LOUDLY and say, “Until you get a badge and the ability to pull me over for speeding, move the hell outta my way. I’ll worry about the law, but thanks your concern.”

They’ll say, “The speed limit is 55 and I’m going 65.”
I shake my head and retort, “Yes, but we all learned that 70 and 75 are faster than 65. No matter how fast you’re going, if I appear to be going faster, move it slow poke!”

Bottom line, stay in or move into the right lane if you’re not a fast driver.  If you happen to be in the left lane, please realize that your rear view and side mirrors are there to help you, not hurt you. If you see a car approaching rapidly in the mirror, basic physics tell us that they’re going faster than you, so move to the right. If the road in front of you is clear and there is a line of cars behind you, move to the right.

Perhaps I’m a bit impatient.  Perhaps.  It’s the native New Yorker in me.  (Ah, ya’ll remember that jam?  Native New Yorker by Odyssey?  Whew, that’s an oldie but goodie)  Or maybe I just seem like I’m in a rush because they’re always driving like we’re on a country road in Idaho, on the way to a Sunday picnic with nothing but time on our hands.

I’ll probably get some cheers from the other fast drivers and some strong words from, but it’s a free country so express yourself.  What kind of driver are you and what are your pet peeves behind the wheel?


17 thoughts on “To the Right, To the Right

  1. LOL! I am a slow, cautious driver. I hover at or around the speed limit.

    That being said, I do stay in the right hand lane unless I’m passing. BUT! If you get behind me (either lane), run up on my tail, and are so close that I can count the hairs in your nostrils? I will not move. I know how very passive aggressive that is, but until they back off? I aint moving!

    My pet peeves: tailgaters, darters, lane drifters.

    • Thanks for the honesty. Here’s a question though and I’m not trying to be a smart ass – I’m just curious. If someone does get behind you and “runs up on your tail”, how didn’t you see them in enough time to move? Assuming that you have lane clearance to get over, are you simply choosing not to? Again, just curious as to what other drivers are thinking while driving.

      • Usually what happens is that I’m in the left lane, I look in my rearview and they’re zooming toward me at some ridiculous rate of speed. Well, if there’s no room for me to move over, I’m not moving. I’m not jamming myself in between two cars and possibly causing a wreck. You’re quite right – it is a matter of lane clearance for me.

        If I’m in the right lane, I’m not really sure where they’re expecting me to go, so I just maintain and hope I don’t get hit.

  2. They’ll say, “The speed limit is 55 and I’m going 65.”
    I shake my head and retort, “Yes, but we all learned that 70 and 75 are faster than 65. No matter how fast you’re going, if I appear to be going faster, move it slow poke!”

    LMAO! GIRL YES ok!

    I can’t STAND those mugs on the parkway…the absolute WORST

    • Woo saa!! I am seriously considering taking 95 from now on. It’ll make my trip a few minutes longer, but at least it has more lanes and I can maneuver around the ding dongs.

  3. I agree with you 100%. I think people confuse the left lane as the “fast” lane, and everybody thinks they are going fast. You ever seen someone move right off the on-ramp, right over to the passing lane only to go the speed limit?!

    Now that I am a writer and work from home, I hardly ever travel in the left hand lane.

    However, I do get where Nerd Girl is coming from. I feel like, didn’t you see my car sitting in this lane as you came riding up doing 110 while I’m doing 85? Slow your roll, I’ll get over when I’m good and ready…

  4. My major pet peeve is tailgaters in the RIGHT lane. Why the fugg are you up on me like that? Especially when the left lane is clearly open for your azz to pass me. I have tapped my brakes on occasion to let them know to back the fugg up or pass me! Sheesh…..

    • Yeah, I can’t get that irritated with folks in the right lane. Honestly, you can walk barefoot in the right lane while pushing your car and I wouldn’t care. Just keep it to the right.

  5. Too funny. I too have a thing against the ‘clearly driving too damn slow to be on the highway’ drivers. I kinda feel bad for them – in the sense they receive hella abuse, so I usually remain patient for the few moments it takes for me to get away from around their car.

    There are no drivers who irk me more than tailgaters.

    My eyesight isn’t the best so I try and drive ‘conservatively.’

  6. AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! You think you fustrated, atleast it is a 2 lane highway, I can see where someone might get stuck in the left lane as there are only 2 options. Imagine being on a 6 lane highway (85 in ATL) with an addtional lane for HOV-2, and coming up on a complete straight line of cars across all friggin 7 lanes because very single one of them is doing 65 (the speed limit), WTF! I can admit it I am a fast driver, but I always try to be cautious because I don’t want to scare a new driver or an older person. So when I come up on a car moving slowly in the left lane, I don’t get up close but if the people in the lane to the right of you are passing you, GET THE FUGG OVER! Like Mrs TDJ said, you don’t have a badge so it is not up to you to be the designated speed monitor. Everyone is not as cautious and the left lane slowees make some crazy people do even crazy maunevers to get by. I also hate the feeling of someone riding up on me, but I tell myself you dont know what they got going on, they may have an emergency–baby on the way, sick relative, gotta go to the bathroom BAD OR just plain crazy, so I get the heck over! I am not risking me and my family safety to make a point to some stranger.
    GA is about to pass a SLOW POKE law where a driver can be ticketed for driving under the speed limit with another car behind them who doesn’t move into an open lane to the right. Hopefully other states will do the same.

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