Put Your Ears On, Grandma

I talk about my grandmother, LuLu, from time to time.  She’s a natural comedian and she doesn’t even know it.  I’ve written of her theories regarding of my aunt turning into a criminal here, her thoughts regarding the shady 2006 election here, pedophiles riding on buses here and her love for pork chops and gravy here.

I called her this past Sunday because it was her 84th birthday.   Here’s what happened:

LuLu:  Hello?

Me:  Hi Grandma!  Happy Birthday!

LuLu:  Harry who?  No,  you got the wrong number.

Me:  **raising voice one decibel**  No, Gram, it’s MrsTDJ.  I said, Happy Birthday.

LuLu: You gonna have to speak up ’cause I can’t hear too good.

Me:  **raising voice another decibel and speaking very slowly** H A P P Y   B I R T H D A Y!

LuLu:  Reggie, take this here phone and see what they want.  I can’t hear nothing.  Silly folks playing on my phone.

Shuffling and muffled sounds, as I wait for my Uncle Reggie to pick up the phone.

Reggie:  Hello?

Me:  Hey Unc!  It’s MrsTDJ.  How are you?

Reggie:  Hey babygirl!  Can’t complain.  How are you?  How’s baby boy TDJ?

Me:  Everything is good and he’s great.  I’m just trying to wish Grandma a happy birthday.

In the background, I hear:

LuLu:  Who’s on my phone Reggie?

Reggie: It’s MrsTDJ, trying to wish you a happy birthday.

LuLu:  Well why is she talking to you then?  Don’t be wasting all that long distance.  Gimme the phone.

**sigh**  More shuffling and muffled sounds, as I wait for my Grandma to pick up the phone.

LuLu:  Hello?

Me:  Happy Birthday Grandma!

LuLu:  Oh thank you baby.  It’s after 6 in the evening though.  Why you just calling me now?  My birthday is almost over.

Me:  Grandma,  I’ve been calling all day.  You refuse to get call waiting, so I’ve been getting busy signals all day.

LuLu:  Oh, you right.  Ok, I’m gonna let you go so we don’t tie up the line anymore.  Love ya, gotta go!

Click.  Dead air and me just sitting there, holding the cordless phone.  Love you too Grandma!

For her 80th birthday, we bought her a brand new hearing aid that she r.e.f.u.s.e.s. to wear?  Why you ask?  Because, “I can hear too much stuff!”

Are any of your grandparents still living?  If so, how often do you talk to or see them?


10 thoughts on “Put Your Ears On, Grandma

  1. But wait…….how did she go from not hearing to suddenly hearing after your Uncle told her who you were? If that wasn’t a Virgie Lee (my grandmama) moment……………….ROTFLMAO

    • Oh and to answer the question, none of my GP’s are still living. GM Virgie was the last to go. She was a straight up mess (in a good way) but I loved her so. Like your GM, she didn’t believe in wasting time on the phone either. She preferred regular old mail to express her true thoughts and feelings. LOL

  2. LOL! That’s a classic grandma moment! I have one living grandparent – my dad’s mom. She’s 88 and still kicking strong. She’s one for short phone conversations – my brothers and I have a competition going for who can keep her on the phone the longest – my oldest baby brother is currently in the lead with 7 minutes. My personal best is 4 minutes!

    I don’t see her that often – she’s in L.A. and I’m in MS. I last saw her in October.

  3. I got one grand left, my mom’s dad, but she doesn’t claim him so I don’t either.

    Your grandma saying she can hear too much stuff with a hearing aid is hilarious. If I had gotten used to not hearing baby cries and honking horns, I think I would like it too.

  4. HILARIOUS!!!!!

    My favorite part: **Well why is she talking to you then? Don’t be wasting all that long distance. Gimme the phone.**

    My grandmother isn’t living but, she was the same way. She swore up and down if someone called YOU, that YOU were the one that had to pay for the bill. NO grandma that’s NOT how it works. Do you think I was brave enough to tell her? NOPE! LOL

    I miss my grandmother. She passed away May 1987 and my daughter was born September 1987. I sure wish she was around to see her grandbabies all grown up and stuff now!!!! 🙂

    Thank You for this story. Brings back so many favorite memories!!!

  5. Loved this.

    Man. I wish either of my grandmothers were alive. Especially my dad’s mom, she was the best. I love, love this woman. I kinda lost part of myself when she died in ’85.

    Enjoyed the conversation. Too funny @ LuLu: Well why is she talking to you then? Don’t be wasting all that long distance. Gimme the phone.

    Such a inviting spirit, your grandmother is. Happy Belated to her, 84 years, wow.

  6. My favorite part…

    “Oh thank you baby. It’s after 6 in the evening though. Why you just calling me now? My birthday is almost over.”

    All the best to Grandma!

    I need to call mine tomorrow. 😉

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