A Saw By Any Other Name

Hey all. I’ve been MIA dealing with a big work conference. It’s over now and I can return to blogging. I bet ya’ll all think you know what the pic above is and what it’s used for, don’t cha? Well, keep reading.

Anyway, I’m working on a few posts, but what I saw tonight when I got home made me grab the laptop for a quick post.

A little info on my neighborhood: I live in DC, in a neighborhood that is starting to become gentrified, but it’s another 5-6 years coming. So, there are still abandoned buildings, drug dealers, mixed with 400K homes and brand new condos popping up daily. Get it?

Our home is small, but neat. My husband isn’t that handy around the house, especially in the yard work. With all the recent rain that we’ve had, our grass looks like this:

It’s kinda pitiful, I know. Hush! Prior to this year, there was a teenager three doors down who cut it every two weeks, but he’s gone away to college. I haven’t yet found another teenager to handle things.

We also have another neighbor, address unknown, who I call Crack. Crack is a likeable dude, but unfortunately, he’s a an addict. Not sure exactly what his drug of choice is, but there’s definitely a problem. So, Crack comes by every couple of days to offer services like car washing, trash collection, gutter cleaning, etc. He offers most of his services for $5. WTF? Note to Crack – ask for $10 dude. Anyway, hubby and I normally give him at least $10, but sometimes, depending on what the work is, we’ll give more.

Fast forward to this evening. As I’m coming in from work, Crack appears and chats me up a bit. After a minute or two, ya girl is ready to get in the house and take my damn stockings off. Crack claims that he knows someone with a lawnmower he can borrow and asks me if I want the grass cut. Uh, Crack, I think I lost my husband in there this morning. Of course I want the grass cut. So, I say yep, cut away.

Hubby arrives and we take a ride to go house hunting (more on that another day). When we return, this is what we see:

What in the Edward Scissorhands, blind grass cutting hell is this? There is no sign of Crack, but there is a collection of tools on the front porch:

Let’s take a closer look at the tools that Crack has chosen for this task:

A hand saw with half a handle? And what the hell was he planning on digging up? Where are the rest of the “fingers” to the rake? Lordie, lordie. My poor lawn. I laughed all the way into the house to get the digital camera. As you can see, this pic was taken at about 9pm and it was pretty dark out. The porch is only lit with motion lights and the entire yard is normally dark.

Crack hasn’t been back to finish, so he may have given up. Judging by the assembled tools, I don’t blame him. He’ll be back. If not tonight, then tomorrow. If you live in NE DC, lock up ya lawnmowers!


25 thoughts on “A Saw By Any Other Name

  1. I am ova here DYING!!! You are LIE-ING!! Please tell me you are! Please, pretty please! We have a ‘Crack’ over here by me…always asking to wash cars and to do little ‘odd’ jobs. No, thanks! Might be the same ‘Crack’ you have. I’m sure he gets around!

  2. See? I knew ya’ll would think I was lying. 🙂 That’s why I took the pictures.

    @ Tndr – Girl, we only live a minute apart – it’s probably him. Does he stutter?


    Why did I bust out laughing so loud, I’m sure folks at work was like what is wrong with her LOL

    Man I tell ya…hopefully he does a better job on the windows LOL

  4. TDJ, I laughed from deep in my belly just now! The grass on the walkway! And then the tools! LMAO.

    Can’t wait to read the follow up!


    And just think, I just finished cutting my grass and was about to type a post on how I lack the green thumb.

    But damn…you took the cake with this one….

  6. What in the blue hell!? Maybe Crack was using the rusty saw like a weed wacker to get the detail work done??

    DEAD at the pics!!

  7. “Edward Scissorhands”! Oh, insomnia is a good thing sometimes because I get to read stuff like that! I just almost fell off the bed laughing at the picture. What in the world!!

  8. I think I have completely dehydrated my body because I have cried all the tears I can and released all drool from my mouth from laughing at this one!! Me thinks I have to add you to my fav list. Look me up!!

  9. OMG, I laughed and cried so hard at this post!!!! The combination of the 3 ragedy tools sent me over the edge. I don’t think my heart stopped racing for 20 minutes. Have ya’ll seen him since? We need an update…..and another good laugh!

  10. LAWD! Just when I thought I had seent it all. A handsaw? What in the crack smoking hell? I guess you get what you pay for, but damn!

  11. Yeah, I have a local crack head who also does yard work for me, but I live in Shaw. He shows up at strange hours nshyt. Sometimes he has his own tools, but occasionally he’ll borrow mine. Thank God he always returns them!

  12. That just got you added! That is funny as hell. On the bright side there ain’t a pride of lions waiting for you to stroll up ya sidewalk! Of course you can’t tell the sidewalk from the lawn but I ain’t picking no nits…

    I won’t even comment on the tools. Probably why he abandoned them.

  13. The main problem lies in where the fungus is living:
    under the nail. At this time, their body temperature drops and their heart rate
    can decrease from 200 beats per minute (bpm) to 10 bpm.
    Ill-fitting shoes may also cause pain because they tend to
    squeeze the foot, causing the pressure inside the increase.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s