I received an email over the weekend and the writer wanted to hear what my dear blog readers thought. I think I’ll start routinely posting these under a category called Speak On It. I’m especially interested in my male readers, so please come out from the shadows to impart just a wee bit of wisdom on this here topic, m’kay?

Dear MrsTDJ,

I love your blog!  I read often, but I rarely comment since I read from work.  Would you mind asking your blog readers to weigh in on a situation?  I’m engaged to the love of my life.  In preparation for our move into another space, I’ve come across an old box of mine that contains letters and pictures from previous relationships.  I know that you’re not really one for nostalgia (re your baby mementos post), but I tend to love keeping things.  It’s never occurred to me to trash these items, but I’m wondering how my fiancée might react to them.  I am 100% committed to my fiancée.  I don’t maintain friendships with any of my ex’s however there are many fond memories in the box.  I’m struggling with the idea of throwing these boxes away.  I am leaning toward keeping them, but I wouldn’t want to hold on to all this stuff if it hurt my fiancée.  I turned the scenario around, and if my fiancée were holding on to old mementos, I wouldn’t object knowing that he is 100% mine.  Can you ask your blog readers what they think? 

My response is toss ‘em.  But, hey, we all know I’m not much for certain types of mementos.  Seriously though, I’d personally feel like my partner didn’t have both feet in if they had a secret stash of love things from previous relationships.  Right or wrong, that’s my emotional response.  I’d feel the need to be rid of those items, even if my partner didn’t have an objection.  But, heck, what do I know?  MrTDJ and I have been together since polka dots were cool. I’m so not qualified to advise on matters of the heart.

Holding onto letters and pics from old relationships?  Problem or no big deal?  What do y’all think?  Let’s hear it folks.

Clearly, I’ve crossed the line into insanity.  Well, no more.  I’m done with it.  As of 9:41 EST, I’ve changed the course.  It was a tedious chore that took me about 20 minutes to complete.  Now that it’s done?  I feel like….like….like….like these guys!

I am hereby unsubscribed to ALL deal sites ala group.on, living so.cial, mam.apedia, plu.m district, saveo.logy, evers.ave, the daily de.al, kg.b deals, groo.p dealz, certi.fikids, doo.dle deals, bloom.spot, savem.ore, AND ALL THE OTHERS!!!!!

Seriously, my yah.oo box had turned into deal hell!  At least 50 new messages a day, all with opportunities to separate me from my hard-earned pennies.  And of course, soooooooo many of them were excellent deals.  Y’all know I love a good deal.  I’ve dined at some great places for half the cost, took the kidlet to cool places on the cheap, and truly made the most of the vouchers for places like ama.zon, e.bay and Whol.e Foods.

But, I’m also guilty of committing the worst kind of crime – letting the deals expire!  NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!   Yup, I’m afraid it’s true.  The thrill of victory upon acquiring the deal, has soured and turned to crap as I watch it expire.  Who can really eat that many cupcakes?  Why did I pick a spa that inconvenient to get to????  **Oh vey**  The only halfway decent thing is that you don’t actually lose any money.  If you read the fine print, your promotional value expires, but the actual dollar amount you spent to purchase remains yours to use at whatever the retailer is.  **whining**  But that’s NOT a deal.  That’s just me spending $20 on sushi.  I wanted my $40 value for the $20 I spent!!!

So,  yep, I’m done.  Finished!!  I’m done with them all.  Overreaction?  Perhaps, much like throwing the baby out with the bath water.  I’m ok with it though.  I’ll miss the allure, but I know my wallet will thank me.  Now I have to field all those puppy dogs eyes and softly worded emails about being missed.  Oh, but, um, erra, if the really, really good ones come around again, you know, like ama.zon or Whol.e Foods, y’all better holla at cha girl, m’kay?

Are you subscribed to daily deal sites?  How many?  Do you purchase often?  Do you use the ones you purchase?  Have you ever left them expire?

• I wish folks would evacuate the uterus of Mrs. Beyonce Knowles Carter.  Congrats to Bey and Jay on the addition to the family!  Whether they paid a surrogate, a Guatamalian immigrant, or Solange to carry the baby, does it matter?  Maybe they traveled to Kenya, Brazil or Compton to adopt.  Does it matter?  Was the little princess was born yesterday, last week or last month, does it matter?  Is her name  Ivy Blue, Aunt Jemina or Sophia Patrillo, does it matter?  Seriously????  This happy MARRIED couple wanted a child and they have one.  Congrats to them and the newest future millionairess for Patty Stanger’s club!  

• Easiest crockpot recipe ever – pick your protein (chicken, pork, turkey), throw it in the crockpot (frozen or thawed) with chopped up onion, green peppers and mushrooms, a packet of Hidd.en Val.ley Ranch dressing powder, a can of cream of mushroom or cream of chicken soup and VOILA!  MrTDJ actually hates ranch dressing, but loves this recipe.  I never share ingredients with him.  Y’all can thank me later!
  

• Hmm, it seems that some didn’t like my post regarding my Blogland Secret Santa experience.  Cue those violins again, would ya?  Comments are ALWAYS welcome on my blog, even those that disagree with whatever my point of view may be.  To those that chose to email me about it “not being that serious”, I’m curious as to why you emailed me instead of commenting on the post?   Since this is MY BLOG, I decided that since Secret Santa had been talked about heavily here and on the blogs of other participants, it seemed reasonable and justified that I document my experience.  In the big picture of the world and my life, nope, it wasn’t that serious and I didn’t imply that it was.  MrTDJ and I are both gainfully employed and able to meet all our needs and most of our wants.  However, it was definitely blog worthy.  So, in the famous words of Rob Base, “You don’t like it, so what, I don’t care.”    

• It seems that Grey’s Anatomy has regained some of it’s luster this season.  I’ve been enjoying it.  On the flipside, Private Practice is making me wish the DVR would fail.  Thinking I might go ahead and let that one go home to glory.  Anyone watching either or both?

• Reading books using the Kindle app on my iPad is awesome!!!  I’ve purchased a couple, but mostly I scour Amazon for the free ones.  And in case you didn’t know, your local library probably has an ereader program.  Mine does and it’s pretty good.  The selections aren’t vast, but I expect that to improve over time.

• Anyone planning to watch “House of Lies” premiering tonight at 10pm on Showtime?  I love Don Cheadle, so I’m going to check it out.  Showtime is on FIRE right now with good shows.

• MrTDJ begged me to make banana bread, so in an effort to be a fantastic wife, I did. I noticed that there was another unopened container of egg nog in the back of the fridge with an expiration date of 1/19/12.  Don’t know how I missed that in last weeks dump session.  Hmm, the wheels turned and I added it to the banana bread.  DELICIOUS!!  I simply subbed the egg nog for milk, took out one egg from my recipe and added an extra 1/4 for good measure.  Now I’m seriously done with egg nog.  The rest went down the sink.

• Pinterest seems kinda cool, but I haven’t the foggiest idea how to use it.  Hmm, do I really want to?  I think I spend quite enough time online.  I’m putting that in my “NOPE” column with twitter.

• I’m not a big Tyrese fan, but his newish song, “Stay” is the bomb.com!  Who knew the Coca Cola boy had it in him?

• Have you ever made a typo in a comment on my site, then submitted a second comment?  Did you ever notice that your 2nd comment never shows up?  Yup, I go in and fix your first comment.  *lol*  Can’t help it; it’s the English major in me.  
  

What’s up in y’alls neck of the woods?

Well, the million dollar answer to that question is – I haven’t blogged about it cause I didn’t receive SHAT!  Nothing, nada, zilch!  No Secret Santa gift for Mrs. TDJ! 

Insert the gasps NOW! Cue the shocked and horrified faces!  Where are my violins, dammit?  Gather your strength blogland so that your collective side eye’s of disgust might make their way across the miles to my Secret Santa “giver”. 

That is a mean azz side eye that Uncle L is giving Jigga, ain’t it?

I’m not really the whining type, but this situation here has me pissing a little vinegar!  I was as excited about the exchange as everyone else.  I loved checking in on everyone’s blog to see their gifts, all the while waiting to receive my own.   As Xmas drew close, I checked in with the organizer and she was kind enough to check on the status with giver.  In the interest of full disclosure, I’ll say this – the “giver” claimed the package was mailed, yet did not offer a mailing date, nor did they send the package with any type of tracking option.  Da hell????  It’s the holiday season!  An uninsured, untrackable package is foolishness. I ain’t knocking the US Postal Service, but they are NOT serious about their package game, especially around the holidays.

And because I know I can keep it 100% honest with y’all, I’ll share this.  A big part of my frustration lies in the fact that I’m a little hurt because when I participated in last year’s Blogland Secret Santa, I was assigned to THIS PERSON.  So, last year, I HOOKED YOUR AZZ UP, and this year YOU STIFFED ME????  Really???  That’s what’s popping in the streets, huh?   I would have left a comment on the giver’s blog, but it’s been deleted by the owner.  0_o  [NEW NOTE FROM MRS. TDJ - SINCE POSTING, I'VE BEEN INFORMED THAT THE GIVER DOES INDEED STILL HAVE A BLOG BUT THERE WAS AN ERROR IN THE ADDRESS THAT WAS POSTED IN THE SECRET SANTA EXCHANGE.  MY OPINION ON THE SITUATION HAS NOT CHANGED]

***deep sigh*** Whew!!!  Ok, now that I got that out, I feel much better.  This experience has NOT soured me to these here internets, nor has it made me any less willing to participate in next year’s Secret Santa drawing.  But, um, erra, if I get paired up with the same person, I’m gonna spit hot fire!

Well, back in the day, party/chat lines were all the rage.  The commercials used to play all the time, not just at late night.  Well, the adult ones ran at night, but during the day, the ones that we saw were targeted toward a much younger audience.  Fortunately, MrsTDJ aka MrsChatterbox had never had the honor of seeing any of said commercials.  Y’all know that Mama TDJ and Daddy TDJ do not play.  New readers might wanna mosey over to the “Best of” column on the right and read up on my no nonsense parents here, here or here.   I only watched 3 hrs of television a week until I was in the 10th grade.  Insert my country cousin, Sunshine.  Sunshine is a little younger than me and she was also born to stricter parents than mine.  Most of my family lived in the suburbs of Long Island, NY but Sunshine and her parents lived about 2 hrs away in the middle of, well, nowhere.  Whenever she came to Long Island, she’d stay a few weeks and alternate between my house and my grandmother’s house.  I was allowed to watch a few extra hrs of tv when she was around.  YES!!!

Well, one summer that Sunshine came to visit, it was hot as hell.  Unbearable hot.  Like Africa hot and we New Yorkers were NOT used to it.  We’d play outside for an hour and have to come in to recuperate for two hours.  We had our guy cousin Slim hanging with us for a few days too.  My grandmother and auntie had gone to the store, so we were left to our own devices for about an hour.  Slim cut on the tv and we fought over whether to watch One Life to Live or Guiding Light.  None of us got to watch lots of tv, but my aunties all watched the stories and we knew enough to know that 2pm was a good slot.  I wanted to see Viki and Asa on One Life to  Live, while Slim wanted to see the dilly folks on Guiding Light.  See?  I can’t even remember any of their names because I never had any love for the folks over there.

Anyway, Sunshine and I won, so we proceeded to watch One Life to Live. YAY!  During the commercial break, we saw a bunch of teenagers, lounging in a basement, laughing, giggling and passing a telephone around in a circle.  They looked like they were having the time of their lives!!!!  They showed a little map of what appeared to be Long Island, then showed little lines connecting all these different teenagers, in all the different houses.  AMAZING!!!  Ever the ringleader, I said, “Let’s call.”  Words I’d come to regret in a few weeks.

So we did.  We called that day and chatted with teenagers all over New York.  We talked to guys and girls close to us in Westbury, Hicksville and Roosevelt, farther away in Jamaica, Roxbury and Astoria, and those really far away in Co-op City, Brownsville and Staten Island.  Ohh, the fun we had!!  We made plans to meet at Jones Beach, Green Acres Mall, and Jamaica Avenue.  Talks of summer bbq’s and swim parties were in full effect.  The three of us talked on the party line for hours.  Literally.  And that weekend, while we were at my house, every time Mama TDJ and Daddy TDJ gave us a few minutes of being unmonitored, we were dialing the party line.  We talked and talked and talked. 

Fast forward about 3 weeks.  After walking in the door from the park, we all knew something was up.  My parents were sitting in the living room waiting for us, and Daddy TDJ was holding an envelope.   He motioned for us to sit and we did.

“Do you know what I’m holding?”, he said.  We looked at each other in confusion.  We were still catching our breath from a good game of TV tag that we had played on the walk home.  Sunshine poked me so that I would speak up.

“No, Daddy.  What is it?”

Daddy TDJ unfolded the paper and it looked like a list of some kind. “This is a phone bill for $1,083.91 worth of party line calls.  Does anyone want to explain?”

My heart dropped into my stomach and I could feel Sunshine and Slim each grab one of my hands.  Wait, wait, wait!!!!  I said the first thing that came to mind, “The party line isn’t free?”  Doh!!!  Even though my parents were pissed, I could actually see the moment of amusement cross each of their faces.  I’d never been a good liar, so they knew that we had genuinely thought we were “partying” for free.  As they say, the devil is in the details – never did we notice or pay attention to the small print at the bottom of the screen, or the rushed rhetoric that the announcer spouted at the end of the commercial.

***sigh*** Chalk that one up as an expensive azz life lesson. The “party” is never really free.  All our birthday and Christmas money for the next year went to my parents to defray the cost of that damn phone bill.  And, the bill for my grandmother’s house came next to the tune of $473.18.  The old, frayed paper bills are still in my scrapbook.  Geez!!  The worst part?  We never got to meet any of the cool azz kids that we talked to that summer.  Damn party line.  I’m gonna sit back and watch a whole new generation get sucked in.

Have any of y’all ever called a party line?

Hoping everyone had a fantastic Christmas.  I had a great day with my guys – Daddy TDJ, MrTDJ and Little TDJ.  They are STILL talking about that egg nog french toast that I made.  #poppingmyapron

• I must be one of the 3 ppl who are actually working in my agency this week.  Seriously!  At about 10:45, I entered the ladies room and the motion activated lights came on.  Really????  Again, around 4 o’clock same thing.  My car is in the parking lot solo.  And today feels like it’s 81 hours long.  Gotta remember to bring some magazines tomorrow. 

• I had to turn the news off Sunday night after hearing of 3 different Christmas Day murders.  I know it happens, but my spirit wasn’t equipped to deal.  
  

• Hello and angels kisses to my newest little cousin/nephew DLE!!!  We can’t wait to meet you cutie!  Oh, yeah, congrats to his parents.  *lol*   There is no more surefire way to feel like chopped liver than to birth a baby.  Man, the months while I was pregnant were great, then seconds after Little TDJ came, I got pushed to the side.  **pouting gently**

• My new iPad fascination? Word Welder.  OMG!  I’ve kinda cheap frugal and don’t ever pay for apps.  However, MamaTDJ turned me on to this one and I was instantly SOLD.  It’s a mix of crossword puzzle and logic.  Best $3.99 I ever spent.  And for shame – it’s making me want to play Words with Friends less and less.

• SPOILER ALERT!!!  STOP READING IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED THE SEASON FINALE FOR DEXTER!!!      Oh my goodness Dexter!!!  Really???  Y’all producers/writers are just gonna end the season like that and make us wait until September for more????  Wow.  Just wow.  I’ve got so many scenarios playing through my head, but none of them has Deb “unseeing” her brother kill a man in cold blood.  Just wow.

• Played Christmas songs until 11:59pm Christmas night, so now I’m done until Thanksgiving afternoon 2012.  Yep, I’ve got rules.  As much as I love Xmas tunes, they’ve got a very specific date of birth and death in my world. 

• And just in case there is ever any doubt, I’M TELLING!  Yup, I’m telling.  If we’re friends and I see your significant other or your children doing dirt and/or foolish shat, I’M TELLING.  Be clear on that.  And if you see mine, TELL ME.

• ‘Tis also time to bid adieu to the Turk.ey Hill egg nog that is in our fridge.  My rules regarding that aren’t so hard and fast.  I’ll drink my last sip tonight and then it’s curtains until next December too.

What’s up in y’alls neck of the woods?

I’m not Italian, so I think my pronunciation of your last name is kinda lame.  Can I just call you Guy?  Thanks!  Where to start?  Please allow me a little latitude as I get to the point.  I had an experience Saturday night and I knew I had to address it with you.  Guy, you are one of my favorite Food Network personalities.  I watched your season of “The Next Food Network Star” and was a fan from the beginning.  Nathan was ok, so I’m happy he got a Discovery network show, but you were clearly the star meant for the Food Network.   We won’t discuss Reggie.  Anyway, I enjoyed you on “Guy’s Big Bite”, and then when you started “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives”???  Man, I was hooked!!

But, amongst all that I loved about your personality and cooking style, one thing always bothered me.  The eggs, Guy.  What is it about eggs that bother you so?  I think that the egg is a wonderful little food item!!  Omelettes with spinach, mushrooms and cheese?  The perfect hard-boiled egg?  The little slice of heaven in the form of a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich?  And, my personal favorite, the deviled egg?  Oh, Guy!  Why hath thou forsaken eggs???

Well Guy, here in lies my apology.  ****deep sigh****  I now hate eggs.  Yup.  Hate ‘em  Loved ‘em until Saturday night.  Saturday night, I learned that eggs are evil and should be banished from the planet (along with cats of course).  After a super long day, a lovely party and some car trouble, I arrived home with LittleTDJ (my almost 3 year-old son) at about 2:30am.  After putting him to bed, I thought I still had tons of energy.  

I was scheduled to bring my amazing, almost famous deviled eggs.  Hey, other folks have called them amazing; I’m just quoting facts. I had planned to rise early Sunday morning and prepare the eggs well in advance of my 3pm party.  However, during a discussion on Saturday night with 2 friends, they suggested I boil them Saturday night and prep them Sunday morning.  Hmm, well, I guess that would ensure they’d be cold Sunday in time for the party.  Great idea ladies!!

I gently placed 18 eggs into a large pot and went to my bedroom to post up with my iPad.  After being otherwise involved, I had 21 active WWF games to play.  Geez.  Well, somewhere around game 9, things got fuzzy.  I guess I was more tired than I realized.  I don’t remember feeling sleepy or actually drifting to sleep, but the next thing that registered were bullets and explosions inside my house.  I jumped up like a crazy woman, sending my iPad flying and not even caring.  Since we live whisper close to the hood, I went into survival mode.

Knowing that MrTDJ could sleep through a full military invasion complete with grenades and cannons, I tried to make my way to LittleTDJ’s room.  There was thick black smoke and I had to hug the wall to navigate my way.  The explosions got louder as I exited my bedroom and then it clicked.  Those got damn eggs!!!  I stumbled into the kitchen and threw my hands up to protect my face from the flying shells.  Grabbed two potholders and placed the scorched pot in the sink under a stream of water.  As soon as the popping and sizzling stopped, I carried that mess out to the back porch.

So, that’s it.  I’m done with eggs.  I don’t want to see another, cook another or eat another one.  Like EVER.  After cleaning for almost 2 hours that night, I still spotted a piece of burnt egg shell last night.  Guy, you were dead on in your disgust for all things egg.  I sorry I doubted you.  Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, are you looking for a partner for any of your road trips????  We’d make a killer team.  I got that spark, I promise you!

I wanted to take a minute to provide you with an honest assessment of my behavior this year so that you could make a fully informed decision regarding my suitability to receive gifts.  I decided that since I blogged fairly consistently in 2011, I’d use a few posts to illustrate my behavior.

The year started off on a kinda scary note being as though I kinda sorta almost killed MrTDJ here.  My bad!!! I did apologize though and I’m pretty sure he forgave me.  I think.   Just in case:

A few days later at work, I showed considerable patience, poise and restraint in responding to an idiot from the planet Stupid.  I’ve gotta get some points for that.

Oh oh!!  And then a few weeks later, I made the day of two old frisky dudes in the credit union.  I definitely want points for that.  I bet those dudes are STILL talking about ya girl!

Ooh!  But in May, I surely lost a few points.  I ran a giveaway and forgot to ever send the prizes.  ***gulp***  Dang!  Um, congrats again to the winners!  I’mma go on ahead and get those in the mail Monday.

Aww heck!  Over the summer, I laughed at the silly college interns at my job and didn’t help them when I had the opportunity.  Ergh!  This ain’t looking good Santa.

Hmm, this one is mixed.  I told y’all about one of my great shopping trips and coupon usage.  But, I said I’d post some coupon tips and I forgot.  Ok, if I promise to handle that in 2012, can we call that one even?

Ahhhh, here we go.  Just a few short weeks ago, some lunatic almost took me and LittleTDJ out and killed my iPod touch in the process.  That’s the kind of unfortunate incident that should tip the scales in my favor, no?

So Secret Santa, when count it all up, and give me credit for providing blogland a few good laughs throughout the year, I think that I’m totally deserving of a little something something.  I’m thankful for whatever you choose, but if you need a little help, I went ahead and made you a short list:

• I love most chefs from the Food Network especially Guy Fieri, Anne Burrell, Rachel Ray, Paula Dean, Ina Garten or Alton Brown would be splendid.  Please Santa, don’t send me no foolishness from those dang Neely’s.  And yup, my bad grammar is intentional.
• I live for Vanilla tea.  My favorite brands are Republic of Tea and Bigelow.
• I love anything personalized including bookmarks, bottle openers, journals, Xmas ornaments, tote bags, etc.  I think I might love my name more than my mama loved it!
• I’m not so into makeup, so erra, don’t get me any.  =)
• I was born in July, so I’m a Cancer crab and I love all things crab related.  I even collect little crystal crabs.
• Since MamaTDJ takes about 1000 pictures of LittleTDJ per week, I will never have enough picture frames.

I hope that helps Santa!  But really, I’ll be happy with anything you get me.  Pserendipity asked us to give some clues, so I did.  I have to kinda issue a challenge though. 

My secret santa last year ROCKED IT!  She scoured through posts and figured out something quite perfect, different from anything that I asked for.  So, feel free to vacate the list above, peruse old posts and figure out something totally different from the list above.  I’m game for ANYTHING!  LMAO!!!  Thanks Santa!

Sincerely,

MrsTDJ

• It’s Secret Santa time in Blogland again and I’m excited!  Many thanks to Pserendipity for organizing.  My  Secret Santa from last year DID THE DANG THING!  Thanks again Gorgeous Puddin‘!! I should feel shamed that it’s been a year and I haven’t reported back to y’all on any of the fabulous things I cooked from the book.  *lol*  My bad!  Rest assured they were tasty!!  I need to bust out a few clues for my Secret Santa this year, so watch for my attempts at subtlety.  =)

• I think I’m addicted to watching The Food Network.  Scratch that.  I don’t “think”, I KNOW I am.  Right now, I’m deep into “The Next Iron Chef” and “Chef Hunter“.  And of course, anytime my homeboy Guy Fieri is on with “Diner, Drive Ins and Dives“, it’s a happy time.  I wish I could take a few weeks vacation and eat my way across the country with Guy!  Y’all would watch me on TV, right????
  

• My crockpot and I are BEST FRIENDS!!  I use that bad boy at least 3 days a week.  I’ve got a few staple recipes like beef roast, pork roast, bbq chicken and turkey wings.  I get creative too and so far I’ve been about 95% successful.  Tip of the day: Chili powder intensifies GREATLY in the crockpot, so uh, be careful or you’ll ruin dinner. 
  

• In the wake of Heavy D’s untimely death, I remembered that MrTDJ and I swapped CD’s in 12th grade.  I lent him my “Blue Funk” CD in exchange for his Eric B and Rakim, “Don’t Sweat the Technique Album” CD.  He never returned my “Blue Funk” CD.  Say bruh, I’mma need that back!  Just ’cause we got married doesn’t mean you can renege on trades!  *lol*

• I was born in July, so I’m a Cancer crab and I love all things crab related.  I even collect little crystal crabs.

• Homeland is everything that a TV series should be.  I love it.  If you’re not watching, you should be.  Reminds me “Sleeper Cell” but with a bit more realism.  Showtime definitely scored a home run with this one.  Little Claire Danes all grown up, yet I can’t shake the image of her as Angela on “My So-Called Life“.

• Where hath the art of debate gone?  Seems like folks have a really hard time debating any issue without making it personal and tossing in personal insults.  Geez folks.  Everyone has the right to their opinion, no matter how silly you think it is.  *lol*

• I forget my hard drive with my Xmas music at home today.  Dang!  Pandora to the rescue.  Typed in “Soul Holiday” and I’m now jamming to the sounds of MY xmas season.  No thanks Mr. Crosby, I’m rolling with the O’Jay, The Ohio Players, Fred Hammond, Toni Braxton, Kirk Franklin and Mary J.  The track above, “Happy Holidays” by the Ohio Players, is one of my favorites.  Reminds me of the parents and I decking the tree and just puts me in a great mood!

• In case we’re not already playing Words with Friends, hit me up.  My username is MrsTDJ.  If we are already playing, please note – I have too many open games.  So, if our game concludes, I need for you to send me a re-match.  I can’t initiate any new games.  #addictedtoWWF

• I’ve finally perfected my apple cobbler made with Splenda.  Daddy TDJ and MrTDJ, both diabetics, are ecstatic and wondering what’s next.   Ummm, me thinks they should enjoy the cobbler and hush up.  Grinch status – No new recipes until 2012!  

What’s up in y’alls neck of the woods?

I gave a cliff notes version in response to her question, but here’s the whole story.

I was 20 years old and attending college about 2 hours from home.  MrTDJ and I were long distance dating at the time and he was still in the D.C. area.  I made plans to come home one fall weekend, after Friday morning classes.  Since there were so many peeps from the D.C. area, finding a ride home was never a problem.  Once my plans were set, a 2^nd friend mentioned that he was going up on Thursday afternoon.  Hmm, the wheels in my head started to spin. If I went up Thursday afternoon, I could hang out with MrTDJ.  He had his own apartment, so I could spend the night at his place, then just go to my home on Friday evening like I had just arrived.  Don’t  judge me! Ya’ll were young once too!  Although we’d been dating for over two years, my parents didn’t play that staying over his house mess.  I was still a lady, their baby girl and our asses were NOT married.

In hindsight, I should have known that this plan was just too damn easy!!   My boy dropped me off in Alexandria at MrTDJ’s apartment.  Everything was smooth.  He and I went out for an early dinner, strolled the Alexandria waterfront, stopped by Blockb.uster (remember them??) for a movie and went back to his place.  As we fell asleep that night, I couldn’t recall a more perfect evening that we’d ever spent together.  **cue butterflies and romantic early 90′s slow jams**

Meanwhile, 2 hours south west in Charlottesville, VA

The shrill sound of a ringing phone stirred my roommate, Ding Dong, from her bed at 11:37pm.

Ding Dong:          Hello?

MamaTDJ:           Hi Ding Dong, how are you?  This is MrsTDJ’s mother.  May I speak to her please?

Ding Dong:          MrsTDJ?  Oh, she’s not here.  Didn’t she make it home yet?

**silence as MamaTDJ attempts to process Ding Dong’s response**

MamaTDJ:           Home?  She’s not supposed to be here until after classes tomorrow.

**ever eager to help, Ding Dong spills the beans**

Ding Dong:          No, she was able to get a ride today with someone else and she should have been there by now.

**silence as MamaTDJ begins to put the pieces together**

MamaTDJ:           Thanks Ding Dong.  You have a good night dear.

42 minutes later, Alexandria, back in the den of sin

MrTDJ and I are suddenly awakened by an incessant pounding on is apartment door.  We both jump up.  He heads to the front door, with me stupidly following behind him.  Because he’s still half sleep, he flings the door open without ever asking who it is.   (Note to MrTDJ – dude, you could have gotten us killed!  What if it was a criminal or something?  You did kinda live a stones throw from the hood!) Then he mumbles, “shit” and steps to the side so that I can see my parents standing there.  **gulp**

They enter the apartment without so much as a word.  I can see the veins bulging in my father’s forehead, so I don’t say a word either.  At that moment, I wished that I was in that carnival ride where you lean against the wall and the floor drops out from under you.  You know the one?  Gravity keeps you glued to the wall in the same way that fear was keeping me planted in place.  Yep, I wanted the floor to open and allow me to escape from this foolishness I had created.  Ugh!!  I wasn’t even the kind who normally tried to get away with stuff because I was pretty much a goody two shoes growing up.  I was scared as hell of my parents because they D.I.D.  N.O.T.  P.L.A.Y!

The silence was uncomfortable, but I damn sure wasn’t gonna say a word.  Then dumb azz, aka MrTDJ, says, “Hi Mr. and Mrs. TDJ.  Can I offer ya’ll some water?”  ***crickets***  Looking back, it’s funny as hell, but in that moment, it surely was not.   My father blinked several times before saying, “Son, it would be best if you didn’t speak again.” Ouch! And, for those that don’t know me personally, or have never met my father, he looks and acts like the police officer he is.  Growing up, everyone said that he sounded like Tone Loc when he spoke, but after the Mat.rix movies came out, most people say he sounds like Morpheus.  So, um, yeah, after that?  MrTDJ shut the hell up.

Finally, using one ounce of the good sense that I still possessed, I ran to the back of the apartment to hastily grab my bags and get back to the living room before DaddyTDJ killed MrTDJ.  All three were frozen in exactly the same spots when I returned.  Upon seeing my bags, DaddyTDJ touched MamaTDJ’s elbow and they headed for the door.  I made brief eye contact with MrTDJ before going out the door after them.  I’d never been more scared, embarrassed or ashamed than I was at that moment.  Above all, I saw disappointment on both my parents faces and that broke my heart.

Once outside the apartment, MamaTDJ spun around quickly and was in my face before I could react.  Through clenched teeth, she hissed, “Who are you?  Have you lost your damn mind?  Sneaking home from school to lay up in some apartment, acting like a two bit hussy.  We didn’t raise you like this!” I’ve never seen her so angry.  I recoiled at the word hussy because I couldn’t believe she had called me one.   In that moment, I had two thoughts – one was,   “I’m not a hussy!  I’m sorry I lied and disappointed ya’ll, but we’re in love.”  And the other was,   “Mama, please keep your voice down.  It’s late and you’ll wake up MrTDJ’s neighbors.”  Well folks, I’d like to say that I kept my silly mouth shut, but I didn’t.  Instead, I spoke.  But, my brain had a short-circuit or syntax error or something because I actually uttered the  second thought. ****smh****  I know, I know.  Da hell was I thinking???

My mother reared back and slapped the living ish outta me.  So hard that the pain radiated through my nose and up into my eyes.  So hard that a slight breeze stirred in the hallway from the path that her arm took. So hard that I had a bruise in the shape of fingerprints for about a day. Ouch!

So, yup, age ain’t nothing but a number as far as my parents are concerned. I’m 34 now, but I know good and well if I do so ish that deserves a slap or a thunk upside the head, they’ll damn sure do it.

What about ya’ll?  Ever had your parents check you as an adult?  Have you had to handle your adult children?